Everyone remembers that moment when their teacher made them read The Most Dangerous Game for the first time (No? Just me?). That shocking, cringing, earth trembling moment when you realize that crazy people are nearer than you previously thought. Who would make a classroom full of 14-year-olds read this? Why!? What is happening. This story is about hunting. Hunting another man. Is the author in custody? He should be.
But then I got to thinking…
We all have that one person in our lives that just doesn't get it. That person who is mean, rude, flaky, oblivious, selfish, a tad bit OCD... That person who has received about twelve big wake up calls, but neglects to open their eyes.
No matter the circumstances, they refuse to meet you half way. Their static trudge through life is weighing on your nerves. You try to escape the situation, but they pull you back, tugging on your conscience.
So what if you were fed up? Entirely. And you were just like, "Hey. So I'm a little tired of your antics. Here is a knife and a pair of hiking boots. You'll need them because I'm going to hunt you. And if you don't accept, I'm going to set my seven-foot-tall, Russian body builder, named Ivan, on you."
And then you chase them through the woods.
You might need to send an arrow through a tree next to their head, to let them know that you're serious. And maybe trap them in some kind of leafy pit? I wouldn't advise actually injuring them, because let's not forget we don't live on remote islands.
(But if you do, have at it.)
Once the person in question has realized that you've gone mad, they will probably try to plead with you. This is a good sign, because this means they will be willing to negotiate. Go wild with your demands. Tell them they have to spend the rest of their lives cleaning your bathroom. Or tell them they have to befriend an Arctic polar bear, tame it, and then bring it back to your house where they must build it a little habitat. Or they have to learn eight different languages, and travel around with you to other countries and be your translator. Or you could be nice and just ask them not to be a horrible person anymore.
Either way, they will have to make a decision. And if you do it right (meaning, you have a very sharp spear in your hand ten inches from their face), they should immediately agree to your outlandish requests.
I know what you're thinking… "Where on earth am I going to find a large Russian?" I hear ya. There doesn't seem to be enough of them. I guess the take-home message would be to start planning your trip to Russia now. There's no time to waste. Hurry! Before all the good ones are taken.
Ah, I remember reading that short story once upon a year ago... twisted. Very twisted.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, if anybody else had tried to write this it would most likely come out as gruesome and dark. But you did. So therefor I laughed through the entire thing xD
This was a lovely way to start out the morning haha
I actually never had that story read to me, nor have I read it, either in school or anywhere else. You forgot to add that if you don't know someone like that, then you ARE someone like that. I also sadly don't know any tall Russians. I am not however, above hunting people. Especially if it's to get them to do something that will (hopefully) better themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt must be an American thing because I never had to read that, same with The Scarlet Letter coz I never had to read that either lol. I'm quite curious by it though! Surely it must just have similar concepts as The Hunger Games lol?
ReplyDeleteAhh could ole Ivan, tis a very stereotypical Russian name lol!
I'd gladly point a spear at someone if it meant they'd build me a new house plus library lol!
Some people just don't realise how annoying they are unfortunately
That should say good not could btw...
DeleteCan they also build me my own sauna? And a stables? Which has a horse in it which is secretly a unicorn that can talk? Because if not pleading is really not going to win me over.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of tall Russians. One happens to be named Ivan. I'll let him know you're looking for him.
ReplyDelete"This is a good sign, because this means they will be willing to negotiate." Valid. I understand you, Hexie.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have to read that prose piece in school, haha. That's kinda crazy, though. :P
ReplyDeleteI sort of understand where you are coming from, though. ^^
We had to read The Yearling, which was very... violent. So I definetly know how you feel
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