11.03.2011

7 Disney Characters Whose Pasts Would Have Made a Better Movie

Disney has a problem with cause and effect. They usually just start at the end and go from there. The setting in almost every movie starts in, what seems like, the middle. I've noticed a trend with certain characters. Their background stories are non-existant. Their actions are unexplained. There's always a universally acknowledged truth about them, but where is the reasoning behind it? I need one. So without further ado here are 7 strange Disney characters who could have really benefitted from a backstory.


1. The seven dwarfs. Let's think about this. Seven men. All shorter than 4 feet. Living together. In the forest. All while mining diamonds. I don't know about you, but this makes me want to do math. What is the probability that seven little men who look very similar and are all around the same age could find each other and collectively decide it would be a good idea to live together in a cottage in a remote forest? Don't get me wrong, I know this is a fairytale, but still…this concerns me. It's a possibility that they could all be brothers…but even if they had parents who were both dwarfs, the probability of all their children turning out to be dwarfs as well is 75%, and 25% of those will not make it to term. So you're telling me their parents had SEVEN children and they all turned out to be dwarfs? With only 56.25% odds? No. I guess one could make a case that there were actually more children, and the averaged height ones decided they were too good to live in a doll-sized cabin.

Either way, I'm still concerned about this cave full of diamonds. Where is this cave, and why has no one else found it? And why are they still poor? Or do they only pretend to be poor? Also. The names. Was it a rite of passage? Once they showed their one dominant characteristic, they got a name? Or was it more of a self-fulling prophecy? Name someone Grumpy and it's inevitable that he will end up bitter. I want these questions answered.






2. Scar. Again, I have a problem with his name. Did he get a scar from a battle and then was nicknamed after it? Or did someone decide it would be funny to give him that token that matched his name? Or maybe it's just a birth mark and his parents thought it would be cute to point it out in the form of a life-long name. Maybe that's the reason he is so bitter. *Update* Oh. Wikipedia confirms it's a nickname because he obtained that scar. That sucks.

I want to know why he is so evil. I want to know what went wrong. The guy has issues. He laughs when members of his family die. At his hands. He's a sociopath. I just really want to know why. I feel like that could almost be a better story than Lion King. Well, it would be close. Evilness always needs to be explained; that's what makes it so interesting. Disney has a problem with this. They just make people evil and then continue on with the princesses. No! I want substance.





3. Beast. Okay. Disney explained how he became cursed and whatnot. But I want to examine the big picture here. There is a boy. About 18? Living alone. In a castle. In an enchanted forest. With a whole bunch of servants. With no family. And from what I can gather, no actual ruling power. He doesn't seem to be ruling any kingdom. And plus, you have to get lost to even find the castle. AND if he was the prince of France or whatever, I think Maurice would have known before he went in, although that is debatable considering he's Maurice. But Belle would have known. She hadn't even heard of him before. Which leads me to believe he is a fake prince. A delusional young male living like a king on his trust-fund. This also means Belle isn't a real princess. I'm sorry for ruining your childhood.












4. Peter Pan. Everything about Peter Pan confuses me. How did he get there? How did the Lost Boys get there? Captain Hook? It all creeps me out. Why are the mermaids so bitchy? And why does Tiger Lily have no real voice? After watching this movie, I learned one thing: Never do I ever want to go to Neverland. I don't like anything about it. I think it would be an awful place to live. Actually, maybe this one is better left unexplained. Because the more sense it makes, the more real it becomes. And that scares me.









5. Evil Stepmother. This one really needs to be explained because I, for one, cannot fathom why Cinderella's dad could ever fall for someone evil. You can say that she fooled him and that she pretended to be someone she was not…but I don't care what anyone says…no one is that good. You can always catch glimpses of someone's true colors if you look hard and are around them long enough. She has to be a witch of sorts. Or maybe a temptress? Someone who dabbles in sorcery. Also I would like to ponder how Cinderella's dad died in the first place? I'm thinking poisoned biscuits. NEVER EAT BISCUITS PREPARED BY YOUR NEWLYWED WIFE. This is nonnegotiable.









6. The King and Queen of Hearts. If someone could explain to me how that one works out, that would be great, thanks.














7. Maleficent. I need to know so many things about her. Did she really condemn a newborn baby solely because she didn't get invited to a party? I think her issues run deeper than that. 1) Where did she get the gargoyle-like goblin minions? 2) What's with her ram/devil horns? 3) How did she meet her crow? Did she nurse him as a baby? Or was it friendship at first sight? 4) What's her beef with the royals? I like to think her story went like this: She was once a beautiful, young fairy. She was kind and generous and gave freely, much like Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather. She fell in love. It was a prince. She would often go out of her way just to see him for a second. Just to see that smile. He didn't love her back. No matter how much she tried to convince him they were meant for each other, she could see her endeavors were futile. He loved another girl. Golden hair, rose red lips, a voice as sweet as a bird's. She couldn't take it. She put him under a spell. A love spell. And it worked. He loved her. She loved him. It looked picture perfect from the outside. But she knew. She knew that slight hesitation in his "I love you's" was the spell. She knew that tired look in his eyes was there because she put it there. She knew, deep down, whether he remembered or not, he didn't love her. And it was too much for her. She let him go. And he married the other girl. Her heartache turned to depression, her depression to anger, her anger to a sinister disposition. She became unfeeling. Evil was the only thing she knew. The sight of that baby and her striking resemblance to the very thing that caused her downfall, caused her world to come crashing down around her. And so begins the tale of Sleeping Beauty.

Hey, I think that's pretty reasonable.




~Lex

8.15.2011

Why I Hate Twilight: Part II B

Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive
Section B: Bella Mentally Abuses Edward


Last time we discussed how Edward mentally abuses Bella. But let’s not be so na├»ve as to think that the abuse is one-sided. Oh no. Bella causes Edward so much pain that he even attempted suicide. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start from the beginning.

From the first time he saw smelled her he knew he was in trouble. It was like her scent was carefully constructed with the designed purpose to tempt him especially. A test above all tests, if you will. He couldn’t take it. It got to the point where he was in such physical pain, just by sitting beside her, that he had to miss school. Now, we all know that he’s been through high school numerous times, so that’s not a big deal, but what if he hadn’t? She would be responsible for keeping a boy from his studies in a very vital academic year! Stop that snickering from the side! This is a serious matter.

Moving on to the make-out scenes. Despite the fact that Stephenie is an idiot and didn’t take into account that she already informed us all that vampires have no blood flow, it’s clear Edward somehow gets a hard-on for Bella. And we all know that if he did anything about it, he would end up killing her. Now that’s abuse. Poor guy. I think that's a double whammy for physical pain as well.

Anyway. As specified in the last section, all Edward does is worry about Bella. He threatens anyone that comes near her, and he goes out of his way to save her because she is basically a walking noodle and she has no arm strength and can’t really keep herself upright. Yes, it’s degrading to Bella, but in all honestly, he doesn’t really have a choice; either let her go and watch her lead herself to her own death, or stalk her. She causes him so much unwanted stress.

He begins to get this notion that he can’t live without her. Remember when he tried to commit suicide when he thought she was dead? Yes. Now if that doesn’t prove she has some kind of unnatural, sinister hold on his psyche, then you are probably a Twihard Twitard. No offense, but in that case, you need start asking yourself, “Do I really want a dead, sparkly man cutting my brakes, then trying to off himself, and then proposing and then inserting is cold rock penis up my lady parts? Is that REALLY what I want out of life?” If the answer is still “yes,” then I demand you go read a good book now. GO! Go find a book worth your time! Get the Twilight out of your system!!


 ~Lex

XXX

6.20.2011

Why I hate Twilight: Part II A

Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive

Section A: Edward Mentally Abuses Bella

Before I launch myself into an exhaustive rant, I want to take a look at some standard characteristics of people in an abusive relationship. I've highlighted the ones that are particularly similar to how Edward acts toward Bella.






1. Charming.  This person quickly smothers the other with gifts and praise. He/she immediately pushes for an exclusive relationship using phrases such as “I can’t live without you” or “I’ll kill myself if you leave.” A clear indication something is wrong.


2. Jealous. He/she views others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly accuses you of flirting. “I know you are having an affair.” The irony is that the abuser is usually the cheater.


3. Manipulative.  Abuse and manipulation go hand-in-hand. This person easily detects vulnerability in others and uses it as a weapon to control, belittle and demean the victim. “You are weak and ugly; no wonder you were abused as a kid.”


4. Controlling. Constant checking on the whereabouts of the victim is a common trait for the abuser. “I check the mileage on your car. So don’t lie to me.” A male controller often refuses to let his girlfriend have a job, she might “meet someone.


5. A Victim. An abuser doesn’t take any responsibility for his/ her poor choices. They are never at fault. When she loses her job, or he gets into a fight, someone else is to blame. “You make me hit you” or “I drink because you stress me out.”


6. Narcissistic. The whole world revolves around the abuser and his/her needs. This person is invigorated by the fact that the victims “walks on eggshells” and live in fear of the next outburst


7. Inconsistent. Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he/she is happy and sweet, the next they are pounding a fist or throwing a tantrum


8. Critical. Verbally assaulting others is a way of life for the abuser. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting tramp. You can’t ever leave me; no other man would have you” or “Ha! You call yourself a man. You are nothing but a mama’s boy.


9. Disconnected. Isolation from family and friends is a key goal for the abuser because it forces the victim into total submission. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want you seeing them anymore.


10. Hypersensitive. The slightest offense sends the abuser ranting. Everyone is out to “get him/her.”  “My boss had it in for me; I bend over backwards on my job but I still got fired.


11. Vicious and cruel. A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Intimidation and inflicting pain fuels his/her power. “If I can’t have you, no one will” or “I just pretended to love you so that you would sleep with me.”  





After I read that list, I just had to laugh. Did Stephenie do any research before writing her four-book saga? What's that? Oh right. No she didn't. She dreamt it all. At this time I would like to go through the list and explain why each characteristic is relevant to my claim that Edward mentally abuses Bella (and relevant to the reason why Bella is slightly insane).


1. Charming. Oh wow. If I had a posy for every time Edward tells Bella that his life is irrelevant without her, I could stuff at least 9 pockets full.


"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

Gag me. When he thought she died after she jumped off the cliff, he was determined to get himself killed by the Volturi. What??! If that doesn't prove that Edward thinks he couldn't live without Bella, then nothing ever will. Because Edward is so "charming," Bella basically sees him as perfect. She idolizes him. She is constantly thinking about his perfect bod. He has her so wrapped up in his charm that she neglects to see reason. Never once does she go on and on about his PERSONALITY. I don't think she ever says how she loves him for his MIND. Does she ever question the fact that he's a hundred and some year old BLOOD SUCKING NONHUMAN? Nope. No she doesn't. Because she is completely blinded by his shiny exterior, which I'm not sure, but I think is some kind of mechanism used for hypnotizing. I'm looking into it. There isn't much reliable literature on "hard sparkly skin."


2. Jealous. How many times does Edward growl when Jacob comes near? 'Nuff said.


3. Manipulative. Edward reminds Bella she is weak. Everyday. How many times does he tell her that he could crush her with one blow? Accidentally smother her? Or how about this…lose control and suck all her blood? Yes, yes, he may not be doing this so he can manipulate her, BECAUSE HE "LOOOOOVES" HER. He could just be saying this because it's true and wants to warn her. Right. Okay. I get that. But no one really knows what's going on inside his head, and on paper, it doesn't look so good for him. And furthermore, it's not "cute." I don't think it's cute when a male figure has so much power over a woman, that he as to remind her of it every day. I don't think it's cute that she feels like a delicate little flower in his arms. It's sad. And demeaning. And, in my book, considered mental abuse.


4. Controlling. Possibly the most relevant and troubling of all his characteristics. She's his puppet. He controls every aspect of her life. Even when he wasn't there, he controlled her. She started purposefully putting herself in danger JUST TO HEAR HIM TELL HER NOT TO. But it wasn't him, it was her perception of him deep in her psyche. How messed up is that? She went up to a group of hardened criminal biker thugs because she felt compelled to hear Edward yell at her. She jumped off a cliff! None of this is okay. He watches her sleep! He cut her breaks! CUT. HER. BRAKES. All in the name of her "safety." Tell me this, Edward: How is it safe to purposefully leave your "one true love" in a forest for hours and hours? How is it safe to leave her when a vampire is stalking her? How is it safe to cut her brakes!!?? 


"It makes me... anxious to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you."

"If you let anything happen to yourself - anything at all - I'm holding you personally responsible."

"Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." 

"Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?"

"But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?"  


In context, these all seem very "aww" worthy. Everyone just loves how overprotective Edward is. But you see these quotes void of all Bella's delusions, and you have what I call cold hard abuse. You call it protective, I call it belittling. The worst thing about his controlling nature, is that Bella doesn't seem to notice or mind. She just thinks it's "annoying". ANNOYING? How about murderously insane? 

7. Inconsistant. Bella even mentions his mood swings. 

"You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash." <--Yes from the movie, but it still proves my point.

One minute he wants her to leave him alone forever, the next he's telling her he couldn't live without her. One day he tells her how they could never "be" together and then a month later he's ripping off her clothes. He says he never wants to hurt her, and then he just leaves her in the forest. I mean, I would be confused. 

In New Moon, Bella is so convinced Edward left because he doesn't love her, that she literally becomes brain dead. The blank pages in the middle of the novel symbolize her insanity. Everyone reading the novel was smart enough to know that he just said he didn't love her because he wanted to "protect her," but she was actually dumb enough to believe it. His inconstancies pop right out of no where. And it's driving her to be a vegetable.

9. Disconnected. How many things does Bella have to keep from her father all because of Edward? Basically her whole life has to be censored for him because she doesn't think he could handle it. Now that Edward and Bella are married, do you really think Charlie is going to be popping in to see them? Probably not. Because he's scared. His daughter is strangely pale and has birthed a fast-growing halfbreed in only a few months. In summary, Edward has caused further estrangement of a father and a daughter whose relationship could have used improvement from the start. The End.

As you can see, I take this subject seriously. And you may not understand why because, after all, it's just a book about fictional characters. And that may be so, but I have realized something in my research; the sites where I found all of these quotes, were all created by diehard fans. The comments in the threads all show how much they love this love story. They find the quotes endearing. They want their own Twilight love story. I find this extremely disconcerting. If they can't spot an abusive relationship when it is so plainly spelled out before them within the pages in their own hands, how are they going to realize when it's happening to them? Is it what they're actively searching for in a relationship? I woe the day when someone finds their own Edward Cullen.


~Lex

3.28.2011

Why I Hate Twilight Part I D

Why I Hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer

Section D: The Atrocity She Calls a Plot

So, in essence, what we have here is a strange, loner-type who moves to dull, rainy, small town, Forks, not because she wants to, but because she doesn't. And in the meantime falls in love with a guy who has been dead for a while. I mean, there have been stranger openings to novels. That's not really the disturbing part. It's how fast, and why she falls in love with him. He's overbearing, bossy, arrogant, stubborn, and treats her like a puppy--what's not to love right? He's always laughing at her and talking down to her. I guess some people would say that's cute, but honesty, he just treats her like a child. He puts her to bed, watches her sleep (creepy?), supervises everything she does, and speaks to her authoritatively. He treats her as a tiny delicate flower. Sure, he has reasons to, but it's condescending. I don't know about you, but even if I was the dependent type, I wouldn't fall for a guy who thinks he's my dad. Or watches me sleep. HE WATCHES HER SLEEP.  Basically their relationship is shallow, built up of outwardly attractions, covered up by the "it was love at first sight" excuse.

Moving on to when she discovers he's a vampire. First off, he admits to following her scent. How is that okay with her? Secondly. She is totally unfazed by the whole affair. When Jacob tells her the stories of his ancestors and the "cold ones"....she just listened intently. Totally calm. When Edward confirms her suspicions...not an ounce of fear. She's a freak of nature, and there is no human on this earth who wouldn't be a tad cautious. 

Then there's the matter of how fast they fell in love. Even if there was a real foundation for a relationship there, it was still too fast. By chapter 9 she admits to herself that she's in love with him. Chapter 9! Out of 24! She barely has spent time with the guy, let alone actually know him. It's ridiculous. I'm skeptic by nature, but I still look at things objectively, and their "love", by no means, makes any real sense. In any way.

Let's not forget the unavoidable undertones of necrophilia and bestiality. Edward is dead, guys. And he's not even human. Neither is Jacob for that matter. It's pretty disturbing that the same girl falls in love with two beings who are not completely human. Bella has issues.

But more about this dead Edward thing. Stephenie says that when humans become vampires, their bodies freeze in time. That's why women can't have babies; their bodies can't change. But here's something she definitely didn't explain (mostly because she didn't have an answer); how do male vampires fertilize human eggs? Sperm are not like eggs. A woman is born with all of her eggs; the seminiferous tubules in the testes produce 12 billion sperm per month. So if Edward's body isn't changing, how is that he was able to provide sperm to create a freak baby? I highly doubt the sperm used was the sperm that was there when he died. Come on, after 100 years and you think he still had the semen he died with? Yea right :D

And while we're on the subject. Vampire sex. First let's talk about how Edward is a vestige of a dead human in a body of what Steph compares to granite. He has no blood flow. He's cold and hard. Bella is delicate white flower full of beauty and daintiness. *snickers*.  Please tell me how a protuberance, much like a cold, hard rock shoved up your lady parts would be anything but a traumatizing experience? 



Just saying.



Now let's talk about werewolf lovin'. We learn what "imprinting" is in Eclipse when Jacob is talking to Bella. I'll discuss what a load of bullshit it is in a later section, but for now I want to examine a continuity error. This is the quote by Jacob regarding the rarity of this phenomenon,"It's one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesn't happen to everyone. In fact it's the rare exception, not the rule..." Hmm..."rare exception"? Then how come half the pack did it? Sam, Paul, Quil, Jared, and Jacob all imprinted. Five out seventeen. Twenty-nine percent? How is that rare? Please explain that to me Smeyer. She's definitely not a mathematician. She seriously needs to get her story straight.

Three more points and then, I promise, I'm done. 

The Happily Ever After Ending of Vomit. She spends the majority of the book rallying the troops and preparing the reader for a battle worth the mental suffering he or she endured throughout the entirety of the book. What did we get? We got a conversation. 

And no one died. SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE DIED. Killing characters off isn't always a sign of good writing, but the emotion one feels after reading about it, is. But I felt no emotion but mild annoyance of the fact I wasted my time.


One thing I notice about the novels I like verses the novels I hate (a.k.a. Twilight) is that the books in which I find myself engrossed are more than just a love story. They have substance. Complex plot lines. A greater story that's more than the sum of it's parts. Twilight? Nope. Just superficial love. And a creepy half vampire baby...thing...


Lastly, no one can overlook the prominent comparisons Meyer makes between her poorly written novels, and classic works of literature. Did she compare her writing to the Bible, Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet? Yes. Yes she did. She's a moron. And that's the only thing I love about her.




Whew boy. That was a long one.






2.08.2011

Why I hate Twilight: Part I C





Why I hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer
Section C: Pancho and her Fans

I truly believe that Stephenie Meyer doesn't give a shit when it comes to her fans. Yes, she thanks them in all her interviews, saying how she wouldn't be where she is if it wasn't for them, but does she really mean it? I don't think think so. She's in the biz for herself, and herself only.

She is right about one thing though; without all of the billions of whiny tweens who eat up her every word, she would be absolutely nowhere. This is why I don't understand where she gets off acting so high and mighty all the time. She makes a fool of herself in basically every interview she's ever given. When questioned about the poor reception of Breaking Dawn she said, "But how can you possibly meet up with the expectations that this book had? It just got so built up. There is no book in the world that could stand up to that. So I knew it was going to happen, but at the same time it hurts."

I recall a time when there was a bigger hype for another book that actually exceeded expectations... what was it? Oh yea! HARRY FREAKING POTTER

Suck on that Meyer. There's no excuse, really. Anyone who can write even remotely well could have come up with a better storyline.

In her interview she also said, "If people wanted a really depressing, tragic ending, I gave them a lot of hints that it wasn't going to be that way. They really shouldn't have been surprised!There's no way to make everybody happy. When I do one thing that a lot of people want, there's always the opposite reaction."

It's like a big FU to whoever expected anything at all out of that book.

She never had any real credibility, so no one was expecting a literary masterpiece, but it would have been nice to have a plot. She sold out for her image of a perfect fantasy. It just further proves she wrote it for herself. She doesn't care about what her fans want. I'm not saying you should write for others and not yourself; actually most of the time, you should write for yourself. But in this case, she probably should have tried to please the twitards who are the SOLE reason she is where she is.

When Midnight Sun leaked on the internet, Meyer was extremely upset. And who wouldn't be? I understand her frustration, but just read this, "With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely."

She is a child. Seriously. It's the equivalent of a two-year-old's temper tantrum. Suck it up and just give your fans what they deserve. For flying potatoes, it's your job! She already wrote the freaking story once, how could the fact that it got leaked, keep her from writing the same sucky story a second time? I could do it. Anyone could.

I hate her book series, but I probably wouldn't be wasting my time explaining why I hate it so much if she wasn't such a childish and uptight person.

Next on my list is her husband, Pancho. Poor Pancho. Please imagine this:

Your wife confessed to the world that she had a dream about a hot, Victorian vampire, and wrote a complete saga about it. It was obvious to everyone who read the first couple pages that the main character was modeled after herself. You go on and read the books, and find that your wife's character incarnate falls in love with this Vampire and desires to jump his bones. Also, it is noted that said Vampire is basically granite. And abusive in various ways (but that rant is for a later time).

Yes. Your wife would rather have an affair with a stuffy, socially reserved rock than be with you. Talk about a dream nightmare.

Moving on, I just wanted to thank everyone for all their kind and lovely comments on my last post. You are all amazing and thank you all for going on this journey with me :)
Now, I have two papers to write, but I keep getting distracted by stupid things. So I decided to get distracted by my blog, which isn't as stupid. If I'm going to waste my time, I might as well do it on something semi-productive. Because let's face it, when I become famous, this blog will be highly valuable. I can't let down my future fans, so I must blog.

At this exact moment. Ha :D

Yea. There is a kid in this study lounge who is wearing a Pokemon hat. I can't decide if I like him because of it or not...






1.24.2011

Why I hate Twilight: Part I B

Why I hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer
Section B: Grammar

Has anyone noticed the amount of grammatical errors in the series? Because it drove me crazy. I realize a lot can be typos, and the editor should catch mistakes, and most errors have been corrected in later versions of the novels, but seriously. The woman is incompetent. "Who's" instead of "whose," "the" instead of "they," capitalizing improper nouns, disagreements between tenses...

“The room was familiar; it had been belonged to me since I was born.” –Twilight (page 9?) Nice huh?

There is more than terrible grammar that can make writing just plain bad. You need to have good structure. Something that flows nicely. I've found on more than a few occassions she will use a word that sticks out to me, one that isn't used too frequently in the English language, and then she'll use it two more times on the next page. It's called a thesaurus. Get one. Or maybe it's that she uses it too much. Some of those words couldn't be found without use of a thesaurus. How many times do you come across "masochist" in your everyday life? FLIPPING POTATOES! It's for teenagers.

Now let's talk about my favorite--the word "chagrin." You can really only get away with using a word like that once or twice in a book. It pops off the page and the reader remembers it. Steph? She uses it fifteen times throughout the series. That's excessive. It also says a lot about the general mood of the saga as a whole. Blegh.


So I came across this site that is hilarious. It breaks down Twilight into all of its ridiculous parts. My favorites are "The Number of Times Bella is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to her Clumsiness-- 26 and "References to Edward's Beauty"-- 165. And that is further broken down into fifteen subcategories. It's the funniest thing I've read regarding Twilight. Please take a peek http://otahyoni.livejournal.com/130432.html

So that was refreshing. I love writing when I'm angry. It's blograpy: blog therapy.

Today Dr. Lamb made a reference to the snake in "JUNGLE boy or whatever" when he said "trust me" over and over about the proper arrangement of atoms in molecules. I laughed out loud. I'm more dumbfounded by the fact that he's actually seen Jungle Book than anything.



P.S. Hazel? Where are you? It tells me your blog cannot be found and this is distressing :(