8.15.2011

Why I Hate Twilight: Part II B

Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive
Section B: Bella Mentally Abuses Edward


Last time we discussed how Edward mentally abuses Bella. But let’s not be so na├»ve as to think that the abuse is one-sided. Oh no. Bella causes Edward so much pain that he even attempted suicide. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start from the beginning.

From the first time he saw smelled her he knew he was in trouble. It was like her scent was carefully constructed with the designed purpose to tempt him especially. A test above all tests, if you will. He couldn’t take it. It got to the point where he was in such physical pain, just by sitting beside her, that he had to miss school. Now, we all know that he’s been through high school numerous times, so that’s not a big deal, but what if he hadn’t? She would be responsible for keeping a boy from his studies in a very vital academic year! Stop that snickering from the side! This is a serious matter.

Moving on to the make-out scenes. Despite the fact that Stephenie is an idiot and didn’t take into account that she already informed us all that vampires have no blood flow, it’s clear Edward somehow gets a hard-on for Bella. And we all know that if he did anything about it, he would end up killing her. Now that’s abuse. Poor guy. I think that's a double whammy for physical pain as well.

Anyway. As specified in the last section, all Edward does is worry about Bella. He threatens anyone that comes near her, and he goes out of his way to save her because she is basically a walking noodle and she has no arm strength and can’t really keep herself upright. Yes, it’s degrading to Bella, but in all honestly, he doesn’t really have a choice; either let her go and watch her lead herself to her own death, or stalk her. She causes him so much unwanted stress.

He begins to get this notion that he can’t live without her. Remember when he tried to commit suicide when he thought she was dead? Yes. Now if that doesn’t prove she has some kind of unnatural, sinister hold on his psyche, then you are probably a Twihard Twitard. No offense, but in that case, you need start asking yourself, “Do I really want a dead, sparkly man cutting my brakes, then trying to off himself, and then proposing and then inserting is cold rock penis up my lady parts? Is that REALLY what I want out of life?” If the answer is still “yes,” then I demand you go read a good book now. GO! Go find a book worth your time! Get the Twilight out of your system!!


 ~Lex

XXX

9 comments:

  1. LOVE this post.
    I think the 'saddest' thing ever (apart from the fact that people seem to like these books) is seeing middle-aged woman wearing Twilight shirts.
    What is this world coming to?

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  2. I saw a women who actually wanted to name her child Twilight after the books.
    Needless to say the may hope in humanity dissipated a bit.

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  3. Dee: Lol YES! You have foreshadowed Part 4 section b! Twimoms are one of the biggest and saddest disgraces to ever walk this planet. Right up there with those people who think fairies are real.

    Ally B: So true. It was a sad sad day when she had that vampire dream. Now girls everywhere are holding out for an uptight, victorian virgin who will carry them everywhere. No. No no no!

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  4. THIS is the best thing I have ever read. What kills me the most about this 'Edward-Bella' relationship is that EDWARD HAS NO BLOOD FLOW. How could he possibly conceive a child if he's completely and utterly dead?! It annoys the hell out of me.

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  5. Just like a Creationist would say to an Atheist:

    "sssh... you're not supposed to point out all the things that don't make sense! That's the beauty of it :P"

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  6. Thank you for posting this. I hate Twilight for many of the same reasons. The relationships are so unhealthy and for some reason people seem to want one like it!

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  7. Oh, Lord, I laughed so hard at that last paragraph I had tears in my eyes! Have I mentioned how much I enjoy your Twilight posts? :)

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  8. There's this girl at my school who is obsessed with Twilight. I am seriously considering directing her to your blog.

    I think we can safely call Bella a tease.

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  9. on dance team in high school, half the girls were obsessed with twilight as the movies had come out. this one girl had enough twilight shirts to wear one every day for two weeks without repeating a shirt.

    *shakes head*

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