Why I hate Twilight: Part I A

You are now reading Part One, Section A of why Lexie hates Twilight. The first of many posts having to do with this subject. Please note that most of this is meant to be funny, not meant to spark a huge debate or offend anyone. It's just my opinion. I just like ranting and this is the perfect subject. Please Enjoy.

Why I hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer
Section A: Mary Sue

Stephenie Meyer can't write. Maybe it's just me, but a writer who uses a character as a wish fulfillment for herself isn't writing, she's pathetically fantasizing on paper. This does not take any skill, just an overactive imagination. There's no substance in Twilight, very few stylistic and linguistic devices. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is that damn apple on the cover. Forbidden fruit. *GASP* That symbol is so creative. Oh wow. She's the next Oscar Wilde for sure. You know, there are modern authors who actually get it right. John Green, for example, actually puts meaning into his work. John Updike, Toni Morrison, Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, J.D. Salinger, and even J.K. Rowling all know (or knew) what they are (were) doing. Steph? Not so much. Let's first address an obvious flaw.

No writer ever wants to be accused of having a Mary Sue character (unless intended to be cliché for effect).

Let's look at a few tell-tale signs shall we?

1. Extraordinary beautiful--She will deny it. She will call herself "plain", but there's no getting around it. The main character's hot. Why else are all the boys staring at her and asking her to prom?

2. No real faults-- Oh sure, she will tell you that she's OH-SO-CLUMSY. She's stubborn. She's squeamish. She's lactose intolerant. Give me a break. The only thing those "faults" do is add to her "cuteness" factor.

3. Extremely two-dimensional-- No real personality. Perfect and boring. Whiney. ANNOYING.

4. At least one character falls DEEPLY in love with her-- Usually a hot guy. Or the hottEST guy.

5. Various talents and skills-- Everything comes easy to her. She's either Valedictorian, or she's so mysterious, she can block out the vampire hottie trying to read her mind ;) Usually she can play the guitar and has a black-belt.

6. Plays the helpless, but courageous damsel-in-distress role-- Or she's the one saving everyone.

Now who does that sound like to you? Her name is Beautiful Swan for Pete's sake.

The thing that annoys me most about Stephenie is that she makes people think that any old person can just take any idea straight from their ass, put it on paper and VoilĂ ! A best seller. REAL authors take the time to put in all that, what my fellow classmates refer to as "extra boring crap". That "boring crap" is the very thing that establishes an author's credibility. People forget how smart authors are because of people like Stephenie Meyer. Symbolism, parallelism, anaphora, pathos, ethos, logos, allusion, repartee, metonymy, personification, hyperbole, synecdoche, antithesis, dramatic irony, contrast, imagery, litotes, foreshadowing!........ The things the majority of world couldn't care less about, are the things authors live for. You take away their craft, you take away the reason they write.

Some people don't know this, but writers actually MEAN to use style. It doesn't just happen. It's not just something English professors make up. If there's symbolism, the writer meant it to be there (With an exception being Metamorphosis. There is no way Kafka thought HALF the stuff critics seem to find within its 70 some pages. He would actually show his friends a chapter after he was done writing it, and they would laugh about it together).

I know I'm not a bestselling author. I know I don't have a piece of paper declaring me an expert in all things literary. But I have attended my share of English lectures, and I've read a fair amount of novels, short stories and poems. And I think I know just enough to know when someone is full hype. No substance.

I hope I didn't bore you with all that nonsense. Anyway, it felt good to get all that out of my head. Stick around for the rest of the series. Oh boy. I'm going to go eat some more peanut butter out of the jar.


  1. I won't lie, I did read all of the Twilight books. That doesn't mean I loved, or even liked, them. I completely agree with you, she has no real talent, style, or skill. She more or less wrote the right book at the right time. Someone else could easily come along and write something exactly like it. But she won't be remembered as the other great authors you mentioned were. She'll just be remembered as somehow who wrote a so-so book that a bunch of fan girls (and boys) became obsessive with. Not for talent.

    I also think it says something about a person when they say "Twilight is my favorite book!"

  2. *raises hand sheepishly because she is an English major* I have read all of the Twilight books. And you're SPOT on. Smeyer is a good story teller. The idea of an average girl that could be any of us falling in love with a vampire is a good, if cliche, idea. However, that being said, just because you're a good story teller does not mean that you're a good writer and Smeyer is none of those things.

    With stories, you don't need characterization or anything that makes characters appealing to the reader, you just want the story. In fact, the first 3/4 of Twilight is exemplary of a story teller trying desperate to be a good writer and being a good writer takes practice. Hell, I've been writing seriously since the 8th grade and no way do I think that my writing is the best ever. Is it better the Smeyer? Of course it is, but that's only because I've been doing it for a while.

    The sad thing is is that Smeyer has the ULTIMATE in metaphors about sexuality and if she had given Bella a personality and made her not co-dependent on Edward for validation about her entire existence and if she had been a good writer, Twilight could have been potentially a novel about an empowered young woman in touch with her own sexual side and not about a girl who wants to throw herself off a cliff when her abusive (BUT HOT! I guess attractiveness is a redeeming quality all of a sudden?) boyfriend leaves her.

  3. I can tell I'm going to like this series of "Why I hate Twilight" I too hate it with a passion. Vampires are not romantic creatures people!

  4. I don’t see how anyone can read the books and not be uncomfortable; it felt like I was a pervert riffling through the diary of a teenage girl.

  5. Haha! Aww Lex you crack me up! :)

    I loved the stories but I couldn't give a rats ass about the "proper" way to write. I guess I'm just amazed at how much people get annoyed by this book series!

    No one forces you to read them! :P


  6. One of the most common excuses of the fanboy/girl dear Hazel, right alongside the classic phrase “you just don’t get it.”

  7. Very well put! I have no idea why these books took off like they did and even into movies. I guess the mentality and taste of people has turned sour over the years because this is what is considered great writing nowadays! Pffftt!