7.25.2013

i learn how to do turnpike.

I'm not prepared to live in this world without supervision from sort of authority. When it comes to the set of skills some have dubbed street smarts, I'm literally braindead. When I have to figure out how to do something in the "real world," my brain responds back with DOES NOT COMPUTE.

Last week I had to attend this meeting for my internship in a city that it is about 40 minutes from where I live. With things like the internet and GPS, you would think this shouldn't be too hard. And if you are a normal, fully-functioning adult, you would be right.

So I was driving along, following my print-out directions, when a certain turn confused me. I freaked out a little and turned on the GPS on my phone (which I should have had on the entire time, but I was trying to save the battery). So I turned around, got back on the highway and before I knew it, I missed the exit. So I kept driving. And then I missed the next exit. And then I finally got off on the next exit after that. Then I saw this flashing yellow sign that read PLEASE TAKE TICKET.


Ticket? Ticket for what? Do I have to pay for something? I don't want to pay for something.


But I got the ticket.



So I kept driving. I drove 14 miles out of my way before I realized that I was only driving those 14 miles out of my way, so that I could turn back around, because there apparently wasn't a better way to get to this meeting…says my GPS.


So I turned around and headed back those stupid 14 miles.


By that time, I knew I was going to be late to my meeting, when I was originally going to be 20 minutes early. So I was panicking about that when I saw another flashing sign. PAY TOLL.


Toll? Toll for what? Does this ticket cover the cost of the toll? I don't want to pay for something.


So I pulled up to this booth and the gate in front of me closed down. Is there such thing as a ticket container? Where would a ticket container be located? A ticket collector maybe? But I saw no sign of human life. It was all machine.

It looked like the person in the car in front of me didn't even do anything. So I thought maybe the gate would open on its own. So I just sat there for a second. Waiting. Willing the gate to magically open or spontaneously combust. And I wondered if I would be stuck on that stupid strip of highway forever. Doomed to driving around in circles until the end of time. Always collecting tickets, but never having anywhere to put them.

But then I looked to my left and I saw this lady in a booth. So I backed up a little and rolled down my window, and she looked at me expectantly. And so I said, "I got lost. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I am. I have this ticket. Do you need this?" all while displaying a desperate expression that clearly said, WHAT. IS. LIFE.

And so I gave her the ticket and she asked for 50 cents and then Turnpike was over.


Tomorrow I'm riding a train into New York by myself. Wish me luck guys.




4 comments:

  1. Haha I am also the worst at 'standard human being' things like that. I was in a clothing store a few months ago and allowed myself to be talked into signing up for a store card when I went to pay for my purchases. Rather than just insisting that I really didn't want one thanks anyway, I panicked and started to give her my details, then as she turned her back to find a pen I grabbed my card, left my unpaid for purchases on the counter and ran, as in as fast as I could, out of the shop...

    All I can say is I bet the security footage is absolutely hilarious!

    Bella | BELLAETC

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    1. Hahahahahahaha oh my gosh I'm dying. That sounds like exactly something I would do.

      Actually. I was in a department store and the cashier was telling me about this card they have and convinced me that I NEEDED it. So I gave her all this information like my social security number? And it wasn't until it was all said and done that I realized I signed for a CREDIT CARD not a rewards card. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU.

      I need someone watching me at all times. Like how parents watch toddlers so they don't stick metal utensils into electrical sockets

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  2. Just think of the joy you and Bella bring to us with your stories. I know a few people like you. I usually like them best :)

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  3. Hehehe your quiet funny, I love reading your posts xo

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