tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49057557788863890652024-03-13T20:02:44.819-04:00the lexical gap.Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-44236362344796072602018-06-09T10:49:00.000-04:002018-06-09T10:54:34.107-04:00Book Review: The Secret HistoryI was sitting here on my parents' couch (because I'm 2 years post-grad and still live with them) and thinking about how pathetic, disappointing and fun! it would be to post a book review on this long forgotten blog. Yay regression!!!<br />
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<span style="color: #181818;"><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29044.The_Secret_History" style="float: left; padding-right: 20px;"><img alt="The Secret History" border="0" src="https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1451554846m/29044.jpg" /></a><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29044.The_Secret_History">The Secret History</a> </span><span style="color: #666666;">by</span><span style="color: #181818;"> <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/8719.Donna_Tartt">Donna Tartt</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666;">My rating:</span><span style="color: #181818;"> <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1321597680">3.5 of 5 stars (read June 2016)</a></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666;">You know that stretch of time between the last chapter and the epilogue that an author typically ignores because if she did write about it, the reader would get bored and stop reading before the novel was over? Okay well the last 300 pages of this novel was comprised of nothing but that boring stretch of time. Only a strong sense of curiosity deeply rooted in bewilderment kept me reading.<br /><br />Donna Tartt graduated college and was like, "Now what do I do with this pointless Bachelor's in Classics literature, my irrelevant knowledge of Ancient Greek allusions, my extreme superiority complex, and my untapped potential? Oh!! I'll write a pretentious novel about pompous and overly-privileged college students in tweed jackets who engage in Dionysian debauchery in the pursuit of “enlightenment” (which sounds interesting on the book blurb, but I promise you, I’ll somehow make even a hedonistic ritual sound excessively dull). I'll reveal the main plot point on the first page and the rest of the book will be proof of how easy it is to fill 500 pages with nothing, devoid of character development, rising action and meaning." Not one of the characters is even remotely likable. In fact they're all uniquely insufferable and aggressively boring. Their competition to determine which of the six could be the most melancholic and supremely apathetic elitist is more than enough to send even the most hyperactive seven-year-old right to sleep.<br /><br />Despite all of this, I never once considered not finishing this book. For whatever reason, Tartt had me. No matter how tedious the prose became, no matter how plotless the last half of the novel was, I was still overwhelmingly cloaked in a feeling of suspense, still held at rapt attention trying to figure out what could possibly be hidden in the remaining pages. And even though I despised the characters, there is a huge difference between what makes a good character and what makes a good <i>person</i>. And they're usually mutually exclusive (lol). Just because they disgusted me, doesn't mean they don't have value. Their terrible qualities gave me the desire to hate-read the novel to the end. It is for these reasons I'm giving The Secret History 3.5 stars.<br /><br />Finishing this novel is a feat. The last page should come with a free ice cream cone coupon because you deserve it. I had to pay for mine, so I'm a little bitter.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #181818; font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/8841098-lexie">View all my reviews</a></span><br />
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-74491359436376119082016-07-31T19:46:00.000-04:002016-08-21T11:35:44.087-04:00The cats of Hogwarts.(Originally published July 17, 2012 6:09 PM)<br />
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I've been doing a lot of unnecessary thinking.<br />
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And a lot of math.<br />
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When asked during an interview, JK Rowling once stated that there are about a thousand students studying at Hogwarts at any given time. And that's nice to assume, because it's very easy to picture Hogwarts as a huge, bustling city of its own. But given the information in the books, I don't think this is accurate.<br />
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There's a lot of disagreeing evidence, but the consensus is that there are many less students. For instance, if there were a thousand students at Hogwarts, there would be 250 students per house and 36 per year in each house (assuming that the split is fairly even). I don't know about you, but I distinctly remember exactly eight students mentioned to be in Harry's year in Gryffindor: Harry, Hermione, Ron, Neville, Lavender, Dean, Seamus and Parvati. Did she just forget to mention the other 28 students? And furthermore, in the books, during a <b>double</b> potions class, there are 20 cauldrons set up on desks: ten for Gryffindor, ten for Slytherin (Bear with me. This is going somewhere, I promise).<br />
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This suggests that there are about 10 students per year in each house, which would add up to 280 students total. But that's a drastic reduction from JK Rowling's guess of one thousand, so I'm willing to be lenient, and propose that in any given house, the number of students per year could potentially <b>vary</b> between 10 and 20. Which (using the higher limit) could bring the final total up to 560 students at Hogwarts.<br />
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Phew! I'm out of figurative breath. Sorry that took so long.<br />
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So basically, 560 total students. Got that? Kay good. So now it's time to get down to the real point of this post. <i><b>The cats</b></i>.<br />
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We know that students are allowed to bring one pet to school with them. This pet can be either an owl, cat, or toad.<br />
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It would probably be safe to assume that given the choice, most students would rather have an owl because they seem to be the most useful. But the school provides owls for student use, so a personal owl isn't absolutely necessary. And owls are probably more expensive than the other two types of animals. So using this information, I estimate that about 30 percent of the students (170 out of 560) own owls.<br />
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Only one student's toad is mentioned in the book, and we know this to be Trevor, who belongs to Neville. This toad is quite a lot of trouble for Neville, for it is forever running away. And Neville, for a good portion of the series, is pretty lame. The fact that he has a toad enhances this. No one chooses to have a toad. You <i>get stuck</i> with a toad. Considering this, I have concluded that maybe 20 students have toads (and I think I'm being generous).<br />
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There are probably a fair amount who don't own pets at all. I think about 180 students thought that a pet would be too much of a burden, which leaves 190 students...<br />
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Of course, we must consider those students who don't follow rules and smuggle in other pets not mentioned on the school supplies list. Ron has Scabbers. Lee Jordan has a tarantuala. I think it's safe to assume that a couple Slytherins brought their snakes. And a rabbit or turtle wouldn't be too hard to hide. So maybe 40 students brought contraband animals.<br />
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Which leaves us with <b>150</b> students. <b>One. Hundred. Fifty.</b> students <i>could potentially</i> own<b> </b>cats. There <i>could potentially</i> be <b>150</b> cats roaming around Hogwarts at any time. This is a lot of cats.<br />
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Cats are well-liked throughout the world and rank sufficiently higher than a lot of animals on the "cuteness scale". I don't think this number is far-fetched.<br />
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So think about it. We know that cats are basically allowed to go wherever they please. Just look at Crookshanks and his many a midnight stroll with Sirius/Snuffles, the dog. Cats can roam freely without a second look. I don't know about you, but I find this to be a cause for concern.<br />
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Let me just tell you, when there is a stray cat on my college campus, it's like Christmas. Everyone knows the cat. The cat is given 300 different names. The cat is picked up, pet, fed, even taken inside the buildings.<br />
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People love cats.<br />
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If there were 150 cats just prowling Hogwarts' halls, students would never get to class. They would sit all day playing with the cats and conjuring up mice for the cats to chase. There would be cats in the library, cats in the Great Hall, cats in classrooms, bathrooms, kitchens… Cats in the astronomy tower, cats in Hagrid's pumpkin patch, cats in the Room of Requirement… And everywhere you go, you would have to pet the cats. <i>Because cats control peoples' minds.</i><br />
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And the bigger dilemma is,<b> <i>people would trip over the cats.</i></b><br />
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I know Hogwarts is a big place, but with 150 cats spread out all over it, you are bound to walk past at least five in a day. And if you were in a hurry, and had to rush to Potions because Professor Snape hinted that if you were late <i>one more time</i> he would slip some swelling solution into your pumpkin juice, it's not impossible to imagine that you would run by a few cats without noticing them. And because cats are stealthy and like to cause humans pain, they would probably strategically place themselves directly in your path. And then you would fall to your death (or extreme injury) and break your glass vials and brass scales,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"> </span>and the cat would walk away unscathed, <b>because magical cats really do have nine lives.</b><br />
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We know this has happened because I spent way too long proving it.<br />
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So we can't overlook the cold hard truth: <i>Harry has tripped over the cats.</i><br />
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And I'm a little outraged knowing this. Because JK Rowling never thinks to mention it.<br />
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I'm no "boy who lived" so I guess my problems aren't as "pressing" as Harry's, but if I tripped over three cats daily on my way to Charms, you can be sure I would write about it in the story of my life. I think that's something worth mentioning. Even if you just alluded to the monontony of it to add a bit of contrast like,<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">"Harry couldn't believe it. He was the seventh horcrux. Voldmort's soul had latched on to him. He had to die. But he would make sure he died for everyone he loved. Nothing but pure determination filled his mind as he tripped over<i> yet another cat</i> on his way into the forest to meet Voldemort and his last few breaths."</span><br />
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I don't know, I would have appreciated the honesty.<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-3256626024287479242014-10-16T00:43:00.001-04:002016-09-05T18:33:15.996-04:00Feeling negligent. I don't know if I feel like myself. But I don't know if I don't feel like myself, either.<br />
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Whenever I try to take control of a part of my life that was weighing me down in some way, I always let the other parts slip a little due to negligence. I'm like one of those crazy, over-stressed moms who's just trying to settle a fight between two of her kids, while her toddler is in her highchair spilling milk and spaghetti sauce everywhere, and the doorbell is ringing, and the oven is telling her that the chicken is done, and also she has stress at work on her mind, and has to actually be in a conference call in like five minutes (because my simile-mom is <i>does it all</i>).<br />
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I mean it's not <i>that</i> bad. And not exactly equivalent. Because the difference is that my hypothetical mom has things happening <i>to</i> her, whereas I bring hardships onto myself.<br />
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Motivation is an elusive beast. And if you're lucky enough to capture him, he's hard to keep.<br />
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I finally feel healthy and happy about myself, but I also feel like I'm letting responsibilities and relationships rot on the side. I'm always looking for a balance, and I just can't seem to figure out the formula. I've been trying to find it my whole life. I think this means I never will, right? I mean, isn't that the whole point of living? Trying to get to that point when you can actually smile knowing you finally figured it all out?<br />
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But it shouldn't be that way. We're always looking towards the future for answers and comfort, but shouldn't we be looking within ourselves instead? I guess that's scary because we don't always like what we find there. And in those cases, unhealthy ways of coping creep in without us realizing. Their insidious onset leaves us more than vulnerable when storms from the external world are thrown at us without warning. The positive feedback from the hurt, pain, and defenselessness just cause another domino to fall, taking down another with it.<br />
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It's a lot easier watching everything collapse than it is to set it all up again.<br />
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You have to try though. That's where humanity lies, I think; in the struggle. In the effort that seems futile because you're alone.<br />
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Do you ever notice how everyone is always talking, but never saying anything? It's a static, low murmur that creates the background noise to everything. It emphasizes that feeling of loneliness, doesn't it?<br />
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And that loneliness makes the trying so much harder to justify.<br />
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But you're not really alone. You may know that, but you have to believe it. And once you do, I think that's when you find the life you've been looking for.<br />
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I think.<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-66802997252679612412014-06-23T23:17:00.002-04:002020-04-09T23:54:31.888-04:00Give it here. I'll fix it, J.R.R. Tolkien.Twenty-one days ago I started to watch <i>The Hobbit</i>, and today I finished it. I guess the first thing you have to understand about me and the <i>Lord of The Rings</i> franchise is that we both think the other is ridiculous. That doesn't mean we don't appreciate one another. It just...we think that each other can be a little self-indulgent at times. Or all times.<br />
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It takes me weeks to finish a <i>LOTR</i> film; enormous amounts of rewinding, annoying pleas for explanation from those who were unfortunately chosen to watch it with me, and subtitles. We cannot forget the subtitles.<br />
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In order for me to relate to, understand, and keep track of the many characters and endless plot lines, I have to make the story my own. I have to find a way to fit it within the confines of my own personal reality.<br />
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I do this by renaming the characters whose names are incoherent. And also by giving the less important characters interesting histories so that they don't feel left out.<br />
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Friends, Carina and Shelby helped me tailor each name to specifically portray each character's finer attributes.<br />
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Let's start with the original trilogy. This is just a smattering chosen from all 9,000 characters.<br />
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LOTR Family Photo Album: As Seen through My Eyes</div>
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Now let's move on to <i>The Hobbit</i>. </div>
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Hot Fred.<br />
I think this one is self explanatory.<br />
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Hot George.<br />
Slightly hotter than Fred. And it's possible Fred resents him for this, but it hasn't manifested in any real, domestic quarrel. Yet.<br />
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Muskrat.<br />
Lives among lesser-known species of rodents during seasons of non-dragon-hunting.<br />
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Vast Helga.<br />
Does not know where he is. But loves indie films. And hockey.<br />
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Small Helga.<br />
As you may notice, Small Helga is only <i>slightly</i> smaller than Vast Helga. This may have been an oversight when he was christened. It's confusing and unclear.<br />
Small Helga's favorite food is salt water taffy.<br />
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Common Arthur.<br />
Common Arthur may have contributed to the above confusion with Small Helga. Because I think, originally, he was the true Small Helga. But when it was discovered that he was far more common than someone named Helga, the Small Helga name had to go to the only other redhead.<br />
Common Arthur is very common. He is faceless and sad.<br />
Help us help Common Arthur.<br />
Donations accepted.<br />
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Whitebeard.<br />
Has that same disease as Robin Williams in that film, <i>Jack</i>, where he ages prematurely. So, though he looks roughly 167 years old, Whitebeard is only 28.<br />
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Uncle Blackbeard.<br />
Divine baker of casseroles.<br />
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Damn, we missed one.<br />
This dwarf is special because he is utterly forgettable. I think he really likes oil paintings?<br />
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Percival Goatface.<br />
Percival Goatface grew up in a pine tree without a family. Does not like country music or popsicles.<br />
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Starfish.<br />
Helps braid Vast Helga's hair every morning.<br />
It should also be mentioned that Starfish always wins 1st prize at the annual flower show for his magnificent petunias.<br />
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Dobby.<br />
Used to be a pirate, but has traded in his hardened criminal past for a brighter future. Has recently discovered his love of theater. Catch him as Feste in <i>Twelfth Night</i> this summer.<br />
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Also, shout out to my favorite character of <i>The Hobbit,</i> dragon who just wants to sit in piles of gold coins for hundreds of years. Because that is hilarious. His only aspiration. He just wants to sit on coins. Amazing.</div>
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-19254962481575322412014-05-28T16:17:00.001-04:002016-08-20T20:15:12.309-04:00"And straight on to" mourning the loss of your freedom.So I'm going to continue this series of exploring the sexist themes of Disney movies. Because, why not? I always enjoy writing when I'm procrastinating a larger task at hand. So. Okay.<br />
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<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: x-large;"><b>1951. Peter Pan</b></span><br />
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It's quite hard to defend accusations of Disney's blatant sexism and racism when citing this movie as an example. I mean, true, Peter Pan was originally written by J.M. Barrie, but still. We could have done without the "What Makes the Red Man Red?" song.<br />
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Wendy. I always hated Wendy, but I was wrong to. Not only was she basically a live-in servant to her brothers (I might be exaggerating) but she was brought to Neverland by the boy she had crush on to be his friends' MOTHER. Because, as a woman, that's all she's good for anyway.<br />
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Women tear each other down in this movie. It's so unhealthy. Wendy, the Mermaids, Tinker Bell and Tiger Lily are all in love with the same arrogant, misogynistic, pointy-eared creep in tights. Which would be fine if they had a reason. But they don't. He happens to be the main character, so they MUST have him. And he plays them all. Sure he's "brave," but is he really? He pulls pranks on dim-witted pirates, does that make a person courageous? Disney declares, "yes, definitely."<br />
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But we can't blame these women, entirely, for their actions.<br />
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I think Peter Pan might be a sociopath. He has death-gripping control over these women and doesn't seem to be the least bit phased by the negative consequences of his actions. He thinks himself invincible and free of all blame. Nothing and no one can touch him. Enchanting manipulation holds the girls captive and is the reason they lash out at each other instead of banding together to take Pan down.<br />
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I think we all need to question, what is pixie dust, really, and does it contain some sort of hallucinogen? If so, he wields a dangerous weapon.<br />
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I have concluded that there are very little redeeming qualities to this movie.<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-14596884874609940422014-02-03T16:39:00.000-05:002017-03-11T11:55:51.025-05:00So this is L--my only way out?I don't know if specified in the last post, so I guess I should probably explain the whole reason why I'm even ranting about Disney characters. It's mostly because Disney has been accused of sexism (by me and many, many others) for superficial, and at best, slightly misogynistic characters and plot lines in their movies, especially the early ones. And these accusations are not unfounded for a myriad of reasons. However, being who I am, I've got to question it. All of it. So here goes.<br />
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<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><b>1950. Cinderella.</b></span><br />
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Normally I am morally opposed to the <i>I'm just going to sit here and wish that my true love will save me one day, and if he does, I will marry him at first sight and then, and only then, will my life mean something</i> sort of themes because I find them impossibly sexist, ill-advised and insulting. However, in Cinderella's and Snow White's cases, you have to be a bit more understanding.<br />
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When it all comes down to it, these are battered women. Now, of course their abusers are actually their stepmothers and not brutish, overly-aggressive cavemen, but nonetheless, each have been terribly mistreated by people they really have no choice but to live with. It's imperative to their health and safety that they get out of these toxic environments. A complete stranger who can offer some sort of refuge definitely resides on the greener side of the fence. And, hey, he might as well be a prince.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a7_mSxgoLz8/UvAHpsaMVuI/AAAAAAAABZU/2vBjEo6hy_k/s1600/527339_1283017517409_full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a7_mSxgoLz8/UvAHpsaMVuI/AAAAAAAABZU/2vBjEo6hy_k/s1600/527339_1283017517409_full.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I mean, let's look at their list of no choices:<br />
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1. Die<br />
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2. Live<br />
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You can't fault them for picking the option that includes <i>not only less chores</i> but potential happiness even if it is abrupt, slightly insane and rash. It's called <b>survival</b>.<br />
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(It's okay if you're still skeptical.)<br />
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Although Cinderella isn't the strongest role model, at least she's resourceful. And she's brave. She doesn't let her slave-driver captors ruin her spirit.<br />
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Buuuut, she is also incredibly lucky. Having the ability to make a Fairy Godmother appear out of nowhere when you most need her is a talent that few have been able to posses.<br />
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(But don't forget that Cinderella and Snow White both have weird and somewhat unhealthy relationships with animals. We still can't eliminate the very real possibility of a psych disorder in both cases.)<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-76437091671061139332014-02-03T01:31:00.002-05:002017-03-11T11:56:05.085-05:00Snow White and the Seven Reasons You're Glad You're Not A Disney Character from 1937(I actually don't have a list of 7 reasons, that was just supposed to be a clever title. Sorry for lying.)<br />
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I'm going to begin this post like I haven't been away from blogging for a month.<br />
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So I wrote a <a href="http://lexicalsemantics.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-ramble-just-go-with-it.html">post a while ago </a>(has it really been 3 years?) about Disney Princesses and how they perpetuate the patriarchal oppression that we females try so hard to stamp out (I say that like I'm some revolutionary activist instead of what I actually am, which is a sad, hypocritical 20-something perpetual student drinking sweet tea on her bed).<br />
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I actually hate that post because it's poorly written and doesn't fully express my opinion on all things Female-Disney-Characters-related. So I hope to correct that. Because I have nothing better to do.... Oh wait.<br />
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<br />
So tonight I'm going to be more critical, and also more forgiving (is that possible?). That post was sadly and weirdly outdated (why did I leave out so many characters?). We are going to talk about ALL of the most popular female Disney characters. Not just the princesses, because, honestly, excluding the other characters just because they're not royal, makes me just as bad as the people who created them. Wow. Just call me Lorde.<br />
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(kidding)<br />
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This post would be bible-scroll-length if I tried to talk about all the characters at the same time. So we are going to split these up.<br />
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Okay. Chronologically, probably?<br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: x-large;"><b>1937. Snow White.</b></span><br />
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I wasn't very understanding last time. But now that I've actually thought about her situation, there are a few things I want to explore. First off, this story takes place some time in the Middle Ages or shortly thereafter, right? This was a time in the world when psych medicine, along with <b>all</b> medicine (except for snake oil?) was nonexistent. There was no Seroquel or mental screenings. She had few resources. So, knowing this, I'm completely aware that Snow White had no way of treating or even knowing she had some sort of mental disorder.<br />
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She didn't know any better, guys. It's okay. If your brain never progressed past the mental capacity of a 5-year-old, you too would listen to the birds and decide it was okay to just walk into a small cottage full of sexually repressed, middle-aged men, and cook and clean for them. I don't begrudge her these actions. She had no way of knowing.<br />
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I mean, years of abuse can emotionally and mentally stunt a person. There's no room for growth when you fear your very existence. Maslow's hierarchy, people. (Am I getting too far into this?)<br />
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Alternatively, I've also considered that she knew exactly what she was doing, and did these things because <i>literally</i> <i>anything would be better</i> than living with a crazy witch who wanted to kill her. I mean, in the end, marrying a complete stranger, who may or may not really be a Prince (Yea, <i>I bet </i>you want to show her your "throne" and "big scepter", alright.) was her only way out. Resourceful, no?<br />
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So she's either suffering from disease or completely cunning. It's impossible to know without accurate medical records.<br />
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Delving into Cinderella's life and motives will also help us to understand Snow White. And that's coming soon.<br />
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Until then,<br />
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<br />
Psychotically Yours,<br />
<br />
Lex<br />
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(there are about 32 things I should have done instead of write this)<br />
<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-73133589605886512202013-11-03T16:54:00.002-05:002016-08-20T20:16:13.700-04:00There are no moose in Virginia,contrary to what Disney might think.<br />
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I found this map. This is where the moose really are.</div>
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<a href="http://www.gov.mb.ca/conservation/wildlife/images/fact_sheets/range_maps/moose_na.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.gov.mb.ca/conservation/wildlife/images/fact_sheets/range_maps/moose_na.gif" height="192" width="200" /></a></div>
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I've been watching Pocahontas today. And I have enjoyed myself immensely. My favorite thing about watching old Disney movies is the huge ego boost you get from understanding certain parts you didn't when you were little (i.e. like knowing what the Virginia Company actually was or actually listening to the parts where they talk instead of just singing along to the musical portions). It's a great way to make yourself feel so very intelligent. You also get this great (false) sense of superiority when you point out the silly things Disney put in the movies that aren't quite accurate or blatantly wrong. This is a great way to spend a lazy Sunday and make you feel better about yourself.</div>
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Ever noticed how John Smith had an American English accent before actual Americans?</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6wpZM6XrrlY/Una_P71Zq8I/AAAAAAAABWM/8zBHJfm67C4/s1600/johsmithoriginalhipster.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6wpZM6XrrlY/Una_P71Zq8I/AAAAAAAABWM/8zBHJfm67C4/s400/johsmithoriginalhipster.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Original Hipster</td></tr>
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He was from E.N.G.L.A.N.D. Mel Gibson was perhaps not the best choice for this part.</div>
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We're not even going to talk about the fact that whole premise is based upon the tiniest portions of almost-but-not-really-true facts, and on the whole is widely historically inaccurate. Because that's too easy and boring.</div>
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But can we just imagine, for a second, if your grandmother was a Willow tree? I mean. That would be amazing. Unless someone cut her down, she might never die.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eXkL1o-PgmvFr9HADt48cd-TrPzFdupfMJ-oO61T4A8xny7fyWQOBf5qEZppJkLrZHFoDPbacwBvg-9gIGUPdEDZ8Yjm2yH2MeszdfvY6UAK4XMEozbHODKJXnoZIPluZtGdQBawWi7l/s400/10dxdzc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-eXkL1o-PgmvFr9HADt48cd-TrPzFdupfMJ-oO61T4A8xny7fyWQOBf5qEZppJkLrZHFoDPbacwBvg-9gIGUPdEDZ8Yjm2yH2MeszdfvY6UAK4XMEozbHODKJXnoZIPluZtGdQBawWi7l/s320/10dxdzc.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">She will always be there to give you boy advice.</span></td></tr>
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Besides Grandmother Willow, there is one thing of Pocahontas' of which I will forever be jealous. Yes, it's the magical wind leaves that help her immediately understand a foreign language. How convenient would that be?????<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-70oMYtdC9mA/UnbF4RnxrcI/AAAAAAAABWs/w0P-KTYsFPQ/s1600/magicwindleaves.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-70oMYtdC9mA/UnbF4RnxrcI/AAAAAAAABWs/w0P-KTYsFPQ/s400/magicwindleaves.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I need those leaves.</span></td></tr>
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I'm going to The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It's on Netflix.</div>
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-16381601645367499882013-07-25T21:42:00.000-04:002016-12-10T22:51:01.812-05:00i learn how to do turnpike.I'm not prepared to live in this world without supervision from sort of authority. When it comes to the set of skills some have dubbed <i>street smarts,</i> I'm literally braindead. When I have to figure out how to do something in the "real world," my brain responds back with DOES NOT COMPUTE.<br />
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Last week I had to attend this meeting for my internship in a city that it is about 40 minutes from where I live. With things like the internet and GPS, you would think this shouldn't be too hard. And if you are a normal, fully-functioning adult, you would be right.<br />
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So I was driving along, following my print-out directions, when a certain turn confused me. I freaked out a little and turned on the GPS on my phone (which I should have had on the entire time, but I was trying to save the battery). So I turned around, got back on the highway and before I knew it, I missed the exit. So I kept driving. And then I missed the next exit. And then I finally got off on the next exit after that. Then I saw this flashing yellow sign that read <b>PLEASE TAKE TICKET.</b><br />
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Ticket? Ticket for what? Do I have to pay for something? I don't want to pay for something.<br />
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But I got the ticket.<br />
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So I kept driving. I drove 14 miles out of my way before I realized that I was only driving those 14 miles out of my way, so that I could turn back around, because there apparently wasn't a better way to get to this meeting…says my GPS.<br />
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<br />
So I turned around and headed back those stupid 14 miles.<br />
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By that time, I knew I was going to be late to my meeting, when I was originally going to be 20 minutes early. So I was panicking about that when I saw another flashing sign. <b>PAY TOLL.</b><br />
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<br />
Toll? Toll for what? Does this ticket cover the cost of the toll? I don't want to pay for something.<br />
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So I pulled up to this booth and the gate in front of me closed down. Is there such thing as a ticket container? Where would a ticket container be located? A ticket <i>collector </i>maybe? But I saw no sign of human life. It was all machine.<br />
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It looked like the person in the car in front of me didn't even do anything. So I thought maybe the gate would open on its own. So I just sat there for a second. Waiting. Willing the gate to magically open or spontaneously combust. And I wondered if I would be stuck on that stupid strip of highway forever. Doomed to driving around in circles until the end of time. Always collecting tickets, but never having anywhere to put them.<br />
<br />
But then I looked to my left and I saw this lady in a booth. So I backed up a little and rolled down my window, and she looked at me expectantly. And so I said, "I got lost. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I am. I have this ticket. Do you need this?" all while displaying a desperate expression that clearly said, WHAT. IS. LIFE.<br />
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And so I gave her the ticket and she asked for 50 cents and then Turnpike was over.<br />
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Tomorrow I'm riding a train into New York by myself. Wish me luck guys.<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-3351160468797487392013-03-01T01:34:00.003-05:002016-08-20T20:16:24.765-04:00Beauty and the Beast Ponderings.I was in the shower earlier this week (just the one time), and I started to think about the plot of<i> Beauty and the Beast</i> (as you do). And my thoughts quickly formed themselves into one of those annoying, trivial rants that I'm accustomed to having. So I thought I should write about it (because, obviously, this is one hot topic that everyone cares about greatly).<br />
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<br />
First things first. YES, this is an animated, children's story about a fictional event with creatures of fantasy. HOWEVER, I still noticed some gaping holes in the plot that I want answered. I think Disney owes us that much.<br />
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1. Why didn't any of the townspeople know that their kingdom was an actual <b>king</b>-dom?</div>
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The castle is hidden away in a place that you only find when you're not looking for it, deep within the forest filled with wolves. Nobody seems know it is there, and if they do, they really don't care that their ruler all of the sudden just stopped existing. As far as I know, the Beast/Prince Adam never did any actual ruling. How is he paying for the upkeep of that mansion, and the salaries of his servants if he isn't collecting taxes? What good is being a Prince when the only <b>ruling</b> you do is ordering around some plates and napkins??<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images4.fanpop.com/image/forum/100000/100205_1308781304920_full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://images4.fanpop.com/image/forum/100000/100205_1308781304920_full.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Wouldn't you at least see the top of the spires and be like "Hmmm. That's interesting. We have a castle. I wonder why?"</span></td></tr>
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2. Why didn't the servants' families care that their kin just never came back from work that one day?<br />
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Why wouldn't they go seek the reason for their disappearance? Wouldn't you be at all concerned that your wife went to her maid job in the morning and then never came back for 10 years? I mean, the least you could do knock on the castle door. Send a letter? Hire a PI?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR16EKq-3HnQaA9ZYtC0r8bYrBCY3fWcLAUECQZKzth1P27PC0IUQ" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR16EKq-3HnQaA9ZYtC0r8bYrBCY3fWcLAUECQZKzth1P27PC0IUQ" height="178" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's a lot of families being represented. You would think at least one would be worried </td></tr>
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3. What the heck is this thing?<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ai44mwj0zhY/UTBF0Izk_lI/AAAAAAAABRk/N0tghFg1gDE/s1600/Screen+shot+2013-03-01+at+1.07.42+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ai44mwj0zhY/UTBF0Izk_lI/AAAAAAAABRk/N0tghFg1gDE/s320/Screen+shot+2013-03-01+at+1.07.42+AM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Magic, outdoor, transporter pot?</td></tr>
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4. If they live in France, why do only two characters have French accents? </div>
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To me, that should be an all-or-none sort of thing.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There is a lot of FanFic about these two. I would read it.</td></tr>
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5. I'm guessing Belle was at the castle for a total of a few weeks. A month? Two days? I don't know, I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I <i>do </i>know that it was not a very long time. So that brings me to the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">inexplicable exponential shedding pattern of the Enchanted Rose.</span> Like, what gives? After ten years the rose loses five petals, but after two weeks it looses <b>twenty</b>-five? What was the unseen cause of the hyper-shedding? <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Was it that love was so close, but so far away at the same time... and the rose got frustrated with the Beast on his lack of action...and started to take it out on him in the only way it knew how? </span>That's ridiculous though, Lexie. Roses don't blackmail. </div>
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I was kidding about the <i>one-shower-per-week</i> bit. Mostly.<br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-47201569186273623522012-12-17T18:49:00.000-05:002018-04-28T03:23:52.552-04:00Book Review: The Night Circus and AttachmentsThis past week has been simultaneously horrible and fantastic. I got through my exams, only because I read two amazing books, that I definitely recommend. Especially if you're bored this holiday season and looking for some entertainment.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><i>The Night Circus</i> by Erin Morgenstern</span><br />
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This book is magic. It's not wrapped in trivial nonsense and isn't clouded with self-indulgence from the author. It is elegant, and fantastical and big. It is thought provoking, and smart, and so entertaining that even that quarterback who hasn't picked up a book since that time he he used it as a weapon would even thoroughly enjoy it. Think Harry Potter mixed with a Jane Austen novel and throw in some Romeo and Juliet. There. That's this book.<br />
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The story begins with a self-seeking magician who discovers he has a daughter. She can move things with her mind. He sees this working to his advantage and binds her to a challenge. A game of sorts. But what this game entails, you will have to find out for yourself. Here is a link to the blurb on the back the book. I didn't want to post it, because I think it gives a little bit too much away. <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/night-circus-erin-morgenstern/1100083576">Barnes and Noble: The Night Circus</a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><i>Attachments</i> by Rainbow Rowell</span><br />
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I'm just going to say it up front; this book is<i> chick lit</i>. But if you aren't normally a fan, don't sign it off completely just yet. Because I'm with you. I find that the majority of romantic comedies just aren't…… enough. After the first half of the novel, the plot is either severely one-sided or too shallow. You can tell the author was either entirely focused on the emotions of the characters and apathetic about the story-line, or vice versa. But this book was different.<br />
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I'm not trying to be selfish or whatever, but I feel like this book was written for me. I counted maybe six or seven inside jokes in it that I have with my friends or just myself (I'm extremely cool because I have inside jokes with myself, I know). And the characters are completely real. At times, I felt like I had actually written a sentence or two. Like it came straight out of my mouth. And again, I'm not trying to be conceited, or consider myself on the same level as a published author (because I really, really don't). I'm just saying that it was like this book was in alignment with my thoughts.<br />
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My favorite part about this novel is how extremely awkward it is. The whole of the plot is revolved around this one, main, paradoxical problem, and it's hilarious because it is profoundly creepy. And strangely, though however cringeworthy it is, I know that I have done things like it before. So I couldn't even pretend that I was <i>above</i> anything in book.<br />
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It's perfect. And real. And so funny (which makes up for any cheese factor). And I know that anyone who reads this will find it just as charming and relatable.<br />
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Here is the plot summary blurb if you're interested: <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/attachments-rainbow-rowell/1100249752">Barnes and Noble: Attachments</a><br />
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So in conclusion: <b>Read these books please.</b><br />
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<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-11312109631935528092012-09-27T00:23:00.003-04:002016-08-21T10:54:35.975-04:00Why I Hate Twilight: Part II E<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: "puritan"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"></span><br />
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<b>Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive</b></div>
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<b>Section E: The Fatally Contagious Infectious Disease of Imprinting</b></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Source: Eclipse"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Source: Eclipse"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="background-color: white; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Source: Eclipse"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af; font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: inherit;">"</span><i style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: italic; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like... gravity moves.... suddenly. It's not the earth holding you here anymore, she does.... You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend.</i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: inherit;">" -- Jacob Black, </span><i>Eclipse</i></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 21px;"><span style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Source: Eclipse"><br /></span></span>
Oh how deep, Jacob. Really. That's quite profound. Heaven forbid those feelings develop when you actually fall in love with someone through a deep connection formed by spending time with that person and learning about them. Their fears, their desires, their quirks, their attributes. No, that's just silly. Why fall in love the "normal" way when you can have fate take complete control? Who needs free will? Being forced to love someone is so much more romantic.<br />
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You thought I forgot about this series, didn't you? Not to worry. I've been planning to write this for a while now. For about 9 months actually. I told you I was a good procrastinator. Yes. So if you haven't already guessed, I'm going to talk about the lovely phenomenon known as <b>imprinting</b> in the Twilight series. Imprinting is defined as "the involuntary mechanism by which Quileute shape-shifters find their soul-mates".<br />
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Basically, for those of you who haven't read Twilight, Jacob is part of a Native American tribe whose members turn into werewolves when a threat (vampires) persists nearby. Jacob tells Bella that sometimes, in <b><i>very rare</i></b> circumstances, a member of the "pack" will <b>imprint</b> on a member of the opposite sex. This is a process of deep affection and there are many stages to it. When this happens, the shape-shifter will be bound unconditionally to this person for the rest of his/her life. Everything else in life becomes secondary and overshadowed. It's as if the world has shifted and gravity is pulling the shape-shifter towards this person.<br />
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Right. So let's break this down.<br />
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Stephenie Meyer isn't toying with your emotions. She's not a good enough writer for that. And these are the reasons why.</div>
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1) Free will is a concept of the past. A shape-shifter doesn't get to choose anymore. Once they imprint, every decision they make is a reflection upon the force tethering them to their <i>one and only. </i>The argument here in support of imprinting is that the imprinter would WANT to make those decisions anyway. And even if they had a real choice, the end result would be the same.<br />
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But how would they even know?<br />
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In my mind, imprinting is comparable to illicit drug use. How do you think clearly when your μ receptors are being delightfully stimulated by opiοids? You don't.<br />
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2)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #76a5af;">"It's one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesn't happen to everyone. In fact it's the rare exception, not the rule..."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"> </span></i></span></span> <i>Rare</i> huh? Let's look at the statistics. By the end of the saga, there are 17 members of the pack accounted for. So out of those 17 werewolves, we know that <i>at least </i>5 of them have imprinted. That's almost 30 percent. ONE WHOLE THIRD of the tribe had this <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">incredibly<b> rare</b> and<b> special</b> </span>phenomenon happen to them. Shall we return to math class, Stephenie? Or maybe pull out that thesaurus you love, and look up what <i>rare</i> means. I'll get you started: <i>unlikely, infrequent, deficient, seldom, inconceivable, uncommon, isolated, unheard of….. </i><br />
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3) Why on earth can a werewolf imprint on a baby? Why is this a thing that happens? Stephenie really tried to explain her way out that one. <i>Because, see at first, the imprinter is like an older sibling. Later on, a best friend. Love blossoms over time</i>…blah blah blah.<br />
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No. The imprinter still knows that someday he will <b>want to be in a physical relationship</b> with that baby, which is incredibly creepy. There is so much wrong with that.<br />
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Bestiality, necrophilia, pedophilia…sounds like the makings of a bestseller to me. For sure.<br />
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I want you to think of your favorite romance. </div>
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It can be a comedy. It can be a drama. It can be a Disney movie.</div>
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Do you have it? Good.</div>
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Do you want to know why you love it? It's because you love the way the characters fall in love. The <i>story</i>. The journey.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">… actually, now that I think about it, Disney isn't the best example if you're thinking of the classic Princess movie.</span></div>
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But nonetheless, even movies that invoke "fate" as a device to tell the story, leave some of it up to witty repartee and cute montages.</div>
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But Steph says, <i>To hell with all that. Let's just have the characters fall so deeply in love with each other that the only possible explanation for such affection could be absolute fate. </i>I'll admit, she writes manipulatively enough to convince you that this is something the characters would want, because this "love" is so real that you wouldn't want it any other way.<br />
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I call bullshit. </div>
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I want to love someone because <i>I want</i> to love them. I want the <i>fall</i>. Love is a process that can't be calculated or forced upon you by some all-consuming higher power. </div>
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Imprinting isn't a <i>fall</i>. It's a wind-knocking shove in the fatal direction. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-83129084884765746942012-08-05T21:34:00.001-04:002016-08-21T10:54:43.401-04:00Things I know must have happened in the world of Harry Potter, though they are never strictly mentioned.<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Dudley Dursley's wife gave birth to a darling wizard boy </span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Vernon died shortly thereafter from shock</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Sirius Black had an affair with Madame Rosmerta while he was at Hogwarts that was quite reminiscent of <i>The Graduate</i>.</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy fell in love despite their valiant efforts to hate each other.</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Parents not pleased. </span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Red-haired grandparents parents even less pleased.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Blonde-haired grandparents never came to wedding. </span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Luna's husband died tragically while hunting a crumple-horned snorkack, and she mourned him quietly in a cozy cottage by the sea. It was years later that a lonely wizard moved in beside her. The two rekindled their old friendship and realized that they would be much happier married to each other. </span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">And, yes, it was Dean Thomas.</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Severus Snape still to this day, curses Harry from his grave. Snape had thought he made it quite clear to Harry while he was living that he despised the scarred, arrogant troublemaker. Apparently not. Harry still had the gull to name his middle child after him. I mean, really.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">It was Lily Luna Potter, not Albus or James, that inherited her father's superb flying skills. She became Gryffindor seeker, and played just as well (if not better) than him.</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Cho Chang is a ninny</span></li>
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<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Susan Bones dropped an egg carton at the supermarket, slipped on the slimy yolks, and fell to her death because she's <i>that</i> lame.</span></li>
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<li>Gregory Goyle was actually a genius, but just pretended to be half-witted to make his best friend and fellow crony, Vincent Crabbe, feel better about himself.</li>
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<li>This loyal mark of friendship went unacknowledged by everybody, including the Sorting Hat </li>
<ul>
<li>Dumbledore had always said they sort too soon…..</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Peter Pettigrew refused any meal that wasn't mostly made of cheese.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Voldemort died a 72-year-old virgin.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Hermione told Harry that she stuffed her beaded bag in her sock when the snatchers came and took them to Malfoy Manor. Hermione obviously lied because that isn't possible </span></li>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">(unless she was wearing jeans)</span></li>
<ul>
<li>(I tried it)</li>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">There were too many cats (as previously discussed)</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Death Eater, Augustus Rookwood, looked like the <a href="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6bk1j7vQR1qmyzed.jpg">child snatcher from<i> Chitty Chitty Bang Bang</i></a></li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Cormac McLaggen always wondered who his father was. His mother refused to talk about it, and it was only after years of searching (and some reluctant help from Hermione) that he discovered the truth.</li>
<ul>
<li>But he was probably better off; Gilderoy Lockhart would never have made a good father.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Pansy Parkinson had a mad crush on Seamus Finnigan but never told anyone</li>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Winky was never quite since her dismissal from Master Crouch, but was able to regain some of her former cheerfulness after being hired by her new master, Percy Weasley</li>
<ul>
<li>This act did not go unnoticed by Hermione who eventually had to accept it because Winky burst into tears every time she mentioned freeing the elf.</li>
</ul>
</ul>
<div>
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Ginny and Harry had a dispute over the location of their future home…</li>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">Harry didn't understand what was so wrong with Grimmauld Place, and Ginny was there rolling her eyes being all like, "Get real Harry". And he was like, "Think about Kreacher! He loves that place", and Ginny said "Kreacher also likes Death Eaters and Sirirus' mom." An exasperated sigh from Harry followed. "That was in the past Ginny! He's changed since then. He makes like really good soup now." </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">And then Ginny was all, "Fine. You and the seriously distrubed house-elf can live happily-ever-after in that grimy, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">dark wizard pen. I'm going to go get some fresh air," and promptly flew away on her broom, as Harry seethed from the ground.</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<ul>
<ul>
</ul>
</ul>
Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-84714271783944204522012-07-15T16:09:00.006-04:002016-08-20T20:18:52.263-04:00Foreign Wizardry: A (Poorly-Composed) Harry Potter EssayInternational Magical Cooperation.<br />
<br />
<br />
I've been thinking a lot about it lately as I spend what little free time I have whiling away the hours with my nose in Harry Potter. It used to annoy me how there was so little mentioned of foreign witches and wizards in the series, and my annoyance was restored after reading <i>Goblet of Fire </i>again.<br />
<br />
Did you know American witches and wizards are mentioned only ONCE in the entire series? To boil down everything America is into a couple of witches at the World Cup, gossiping under a spangled banner is a crime.<br />
<br />
And as I sat, obsessing over that tiny window through which the smallest glimpse of foreign wizardry can be seen outside of Europe, I began to construct an alternate HP world in my mind. A more accurate version (in my ever-so-humble opinion, of course).<br />
<br />
Picture this though.<br />
<br />
You have a dark wizard. Goes by the name of Voldemort. He's your regular, run-of-the-mill, power-hungry lunatic who likes to kill for sport. Do you think, for one moment, that he isn't going to try to expand his filthy, death-ridden empire? I mean, come on. The man shares his brain with a snake. The day he stops dreaming of world domination is the day I eat my dog.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">And I don't have any pets.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
It's as likely as this conversation taking place:<br />
<br />
<b>Wormtail:</b><i> "Master, I've been drawing up a few designs. We can take over Spain by the end of the month if we gain control of the water-ways and everyone's minds'. We can be over seas by June if we keep up the pace. We'll need manpower though. Might I suggest recruiting the giants?"</i><br />
<br />
<b>Voldemort: </b><i>"Quiet, Wormtail! You are too ambitious. I told you from the outset, that if we were going to do this, we were going to do it gradually and cautiously. I don't want to expand further than Great Britain. If I control Britain, that will be enough of me. Don't you know me enough by now to know that I am easily contented with what I have in front of me? I never want more than what I have."</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Right. <i>Because </i><i>that</i><i> would happen. </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">(sarcasm)</span><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
My point is, if you were to take the world of Harry Potter and stick it right in the middle of the real world, I believe a few things would be different.<br />
<br />
Firstly, we know that Voldemort is quite the world traveler… with his jaunts to Egypt and Albania and whatnot. So why is Britain the only country that seems to be worrying about him? Voldemort is cray, and there is little chance that he wouldn't want to destroy all the other countries in the the world as well, so I think the books should have definitely included more of this aspect. And I think the magical leaders of those countries should have done some allying up. Which brings me to my next point.<br />
<br />
Given American's foreign policy, if there was a powerful, muggle-killing, snake-man on the loose in Europe, I hardly doubt Americans wouldn't go try and stop him. I mean just look at our track record… We're basically just a whole bunch of crazy Gryffindors brandishing our swords and yelling out profanities in the name of Justice… Our national Magical Military would be the first on the scene, shouting out the mantra, "You <i><b>will</b></i> like democracy!" while forcing Voldemort into a in a red and white striped straightjacket with fireworks shooting out their wands. If Voldemort were real, we would have tried to stop him. I'm not saying we would have been able to for sure, but we would have at least been there in the thick of things.<br />
<br />
And speaking of being in the thick of things, why are there only three wizarding schools allowed in the Tri-Wizard cup? Why couldn't it be the Icosa-Wizard cup and allow twenty schools to compete? I know that it was originally created for the three largest European schools, but why the exclusion? Why can't those overseas play? What about Africa? I'm sure they'd love a shot. What's wrong with our Australian friends? Not good enough? Silliness.<br />
<br />
<br />
You know, I'd be happy with even a minor change in the series. For instance, would it have been so bad to make Luna a foreign-exchange student? How hard would that have been? Then we would at least know what a non-European wizarding school was like. And actually, such a program was even alluded to in GOF when Ron mentions that Bill used to have a pen-friend who lived in Brazil. So it's not far-fetched. Really. It's not.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span>
Anyway.<br />
<br />
I just don't think that the borders of Great Britain could contain Voldemort. Not at all. So I wish that JK Rowling would have constructed his story line to include the fact that the whole world was against him (of course, it's implied, but I'm just not seeing the action). And if she left it out by design, why? Because that just seems unrealistic to me.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm not complaining, I'm just letting my fingers go. They've been itching to do something besides counting pills and change. And JK Rowling, if you're reading this, I'm so honored to have you in my internet presence, and disregard everything I ever wrote. Love, Lexie.<br />
<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-4000436287616596272012-06-23T09:23:00.003-04:002017-07-28T14:26:39.696-04:00On People Hunting.Everyone remembers that moment when their teacher made them read <i><a href="http://www.classicreader.com/book/1317/1/">The Most Dangerous Game</a> </i>for the first time <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(No? Just me?)</span>. That shocking, cringing, earth trembling moment when you realize that crazy people are nearer than you previously thought. Who would make a classroom full of 14-year-olds read this? Why!? What is happening. This story is about hunting. Hunting another man. Is the author in custody? He should be.<br />
<br />
But then I got to thinking…<br />
<br />
We all have that one person in our lives that just doesn't get it. That person who is mean, rude, flaky, oblivious, selfish, a tad bit OCD... That person who has received about twelve big wake up calls, but neglects to open their eyes.<br />
<br />
No matter the circumstances, they refuse to meet you half way. Their static trudge through life is weighing on your nerves. You try to escape the situation, but they pull you back, tugging on your conscience.<br />
<br />
So what if you were fed up? Entirely. And you were just like, "Hey. So I'm a little tired of your antics. Here is a knife and a pair of hiking boots. You'll need them because I'm going to hunt you. And if you don't accept, I'm going to set my seven-foot-tall, Russian body builder, named Ivan, on you."<br />
<br />
And then you chase them through the woods.<br />
<br />
You might need to send an arrow through a tree next to their head, to let them know that you're serious. And maybe trap them in some kind of leafy pit? I wouldn't advise actually injuring them, because let's not forget we don't live on remote islands.<br />
<br />
(But if you do, have at it.)<br />
<br />
<br />
Once the person in question has realized that you've gone mad, they will probably try to plead with you. This is a good sign, because this means they will be willing to negotiate. Go wild with your demands. Tell them they have to spend the rest of their lives cleaning your bathroom. Or tell them they have to befriend an Arctic polar bear, tame it, and then bring it back to your house where they must build it a little habitat. Or they have to learn eight different languages, and travel around with you to other countries and be your translator. Or you could be nice and just ask them not to be a horrible person anymore.<br />
<br />
Either way, they will have to make a decision. And if you do it right <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(meaning, you have a very sharp spear in your hand ten inches from their face)</span>, they should immediately agree to your outlandish requests.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know what you're thinking… "Where on earth am I going to find a large Russian?" I hear ya. There doesn't seem to be enough of them. I guess the take-home message would be to start planning your trip to Russia <i>now</i>. There's no time to waste. Hurry! Before all the good ones are taken.<br />
<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-64231088687357491792012-06-22T11:31:00.002-04:002017-07-28T14:26:43.734-04:00On People Hinting.Some people don't get it. You try to <i>spell it out</i> for them, but they insist on playing dumb. Or actually being dumb. It's a little bit infuriating.<br />
<br />
But as a human, you will come across people who can't take hints.<br />
<br />
I have gotten myself into many an unwanted predicament by passive aggressively allowing people to annoy me.<br />
<br />
When someone finds that particular way of getting under my skin, unless they are a family member, I usually don't do anything active about it. I may write a blog post, or complain about to a friend, but I don't ever confront the person. In fact, the closest I usually come to really telling someone what I think about them or the annoyingly horrible thing they've done to me, is backhandedly commenting about the incident five years after it happened.Which they don't really catch on to anyway. I can't really blame them…most people forget about something like that after five years…<i>MOST</i> people.<br />
<br />
<br />
I've been thinking that I should make more of a stand, and be upfront with people. But then then I realized I can't do that. It's not in my nature to be confrontational. No, it's more in my nature to be sneakily manipulative and slightly evil.<br />
<br />
This is not a good thing. And you many not believe it, but it's true.<br />
<br />
I mean, I'm not a huge grudge holder, and I can forgive someone pretty easily…but cross me and you will die a slow death because, surprise! I have been poisoning your Cheerios for twelve years.<br />
<br />
Wait. I'm kidding. For real guys.<br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I only poison Wheaties. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So my first reaction is to silently stew. This is bad. This is what makes a person hard to live with. You can't harbor these emotions…you heart will shrink three sizes. No one wants to be an Uncle Scar or a Rasputin. Ugly Stepmothers are generally looked down upon, and everyone hates a Stalin. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(I don't have anything against Disney villains or Russians, they just make for good examples).</span><br />
<br />
<br />
But I think it's equally bad to openly discuss your heartaches to the people that cause them. Even if you do it nicely, people will resent you, and you will be hated. Forever.<br />
<br />
<br />
So what's the middle? What is the happy medium between being a Regina George now or a Grinch later?<br />
<br />
<br />
Hints.<br />
<br />
<br />
Subtle hints.<br />
<br />
<br />
Subtly evil. Subtly effective.<br />
<br />
<br />
A covered-up comment here, a riddle there. Hand gestures, eye rolling, secret messages wrote in lemon juice… Most people won't get them, but when they do, it will probably sting.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I guess the alternative to all of this is to just realize that everyone has struggles, and graciously forgive them for not always being perfect. Because that is how you want people to treat you. After all, you are just as guilty as everyone else.<br />
<br />
<br />
But when is enlightenment ever fun?Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-49394911811634963302012-04-29T22:49:00.002-04:002016-08-21T11:03:08.434-04:00Character Lovers Anonymous.<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; line-height: 19px;"><b>The Perplexities of Characters and Why they Ruin Our Lives</b></span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">in Addition to Making them Worth Living</span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><b>Part III: Words: The Most Infallible Love Potion</b></span></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
Hey there. Welcome to the last post in this exhausted series. And when I say, "exhausted", I'm mostly talking about my brian. Also my brain.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><b>Meeting leader:</b> Welcome everyone. I'm glad you are all here. Let's take a moment and introduce ourselves, shall we? Let's start with you. You, with the frizzy hair and the bags under your eyes. What's your name, and tell us why you're here?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><b>Me:</b> Hi everyone. I'm Lexie. And I… and I fall in love with characters.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><b>Meeting leader:</b> Ahh yes. I think we call can relate to this. Why don't you explain.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><b>Me:</b> Oh geez. Where to begin? Well… let's see… I think the best place to start would be the Disney Princes. I mean, how could you not fall in love? I was so young, too. You've got Aladdin with his adventurous and lively personality, and Prince Philip with his quick wit… Prince Eric never really did anything for me, but once the Beast shed his growly wall of defense…I was a goner. There was no going back. They all have such chiseled jaws too. Sigh. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">And then of course there was every male character in Harry Potter. I think I've had a crush on every one of them at some point (with the obvious exceptions of Dumbledore, Hagrid, Karkaroff, Pettigrew, Crabbe, Goyle, and the majority of the Death eaters. Oh and Colin Creevy). I realized the depth of my attachment to characters through my HP journey. That was really a wake-up call. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">And then there was Darcy of course. He still causes me to go weak in the knees (which is perhaps one of the most embarrassing side effects on account of me not being a mushy gushy, lovey dovey type person). Basically every P&P based story causes me to fall hard, e.g., Tom Hanks in <i>You've Got Mail</i> and Jimmy Stewart in <i>Shop around the Corner</i>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Jim Halpert. My ideal. Absolutely. He is the reason I have given up hope on ever finding love. I'm almost sure no one will ever compare. Which is really heartbreaking. Oh please, someone (some man out there), prove me wrong. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">Is that a good overview? Is that enough to go on for now? Is there anyway you can help me through this? Please? I'm begging you. I need help. </span><br />
<br />
<br />
You have to know what I'm talking about. I know you do. I'm pretty sure that every female ever, who ever read a book or watched a movie, has fallen in love. At least once. You can't hide from this truth. You have to acknowledge and accept it! That has to be the first step in coping. It has to be.<br />
<br />
Why do the men we read about or watch on the TV seem so desirable? Why do they seem so perfectly charming, talented and flawed in all the right ways? Why? Why does this happen to us?<br />
<br />
It actually concerns me a little bit. It's unfair to the men in the world. I'm not saying that book or movie characters can ever compare to real people, but I think that sometimes…sometimes they set high standards. Unreal standards. And I think it's hard to let go.<br />
<br />
I don't know the answer to this problem. I love characters. I love getting lost in their worlds. I just wish it was easier to emerge back out.<br />
<br />
It's like when you take a really long, hot shower on a cold winter morning. Coming out of the shower into the cruel, unforgiving, crisp air is excruciating.<br />
<br />
Coming back to reality after immersing yourself in a book or movie is like that.<br />
<br />
And it's really upsetting.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(Male bloggers, how does this work for you? Do you often fall in love with characters as well? I'm thinking you must.)</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And that concludes this miniseries. I hope you didn't die of boredom and/or lack of creativity.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow: We conquer the beast.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-6644503900355571932012-04-28T23:58:00.002-04:002016-08-21T11:09:48.310-04:00"I go to seek a Great Perhaps"<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large; line-height: 19px;"><b>The Perplexities of Characters and Why they Ruin Our Lives</b></span></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">in Addition to Making them Worth Living</span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; line-height: 19px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"><b>Part II: The Legend of the Reckless Heroine</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I love strong, vibrant female characters. I find it easy to look up to them. They have traits that anyone would want.</div>
<br />
But I've noticed, recently, that some writers take it a step further. A step toward the unstable, or the impulsive.<br />
<br />
Let me explain. I'm sure you've all read the Hunger Games. Yes? Well Katniss is an example of an independent, intelligent and admirable female character. She, in a way, empowers women. Or at least that's how I see it. And I love her.<br />
<br />
I also love John Green. A lot. But. I sometimes have an issue with the way people view his characters. In <i>Looking for Alaska</i>, the main girl, Alaska Young, is certainly a stand-out character. But not in the same way Katniss is. She's headstrong, but reckless. Wild and enigmatical. And big. And Miles, the narrator, falls for her.<br />
<br />
Looking for Alaska is a beautiful story, and I wouldn't change it, but I just have a hard time believing in Alaska.<br />
<br />
I have never met anyone like her. Have you? And I really can't relate. I'm not saying I have it all together. No, quite the contrary. It's just that I find it really hard to relate to so dynamic and self-descructive of a character. She's larger than life. And she makes it look desirable almost. Tragic and insufferable. But desirable. She's a paradox. I love that such a character could be created, but I have yet to find her in life.<br />
<br />
And maybe that's part of the beauty of it. A book is an escape. Right? But like I mentioned yesterday, we seek to find similarities between ourselves and the characters we read or see. And maybe I'm the only one, but I don't understand Alaska. She's a mystery. Which could be, perhaps, what the author intended.<br />
<br />
<br />
But Alaska isn't the only one who fits this description. Multiple books and movies display this type of female lead.<br />
<br />
Clementine Kruczynski is desperate, careless and impulsive. Scarlett O'Hara is self-serving, vain and incredibly loyal. Summer Finn is quirky, distant and flaky. Daisy Buchanan is selfish, shallow and effervescent. Holly Golightly is lost, charming and naive. *<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*Clementine from<i> Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Scarlett from<i> Gone with the Wind</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Summer from <i>500 Days of Summer</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Daisy Buchanan from <i>The Great Gatsby</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Holly from <i>Breakfast at Tiffany's</i></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
I love <strike>all</strike> most of these characters dearly. For the most part, they're real. So real. And that's what I love about them. But they also have another quality. An air of mystery. Something not so easily described or portrayed.<br />
<br />
Basically what I'm trying to say is that these characters are messed up. Most of them even admit it. But the "perfect" (notice the quotations) guy falls in love with them anyway. They make normal seem overrated.<br />
<br />
And I use the term "normal" loosely. What I mean is that most of them make wearing a straight jacket look alluring. It's like <i>the only true way to make a guy fall for you is too be as ambiguous or reckless or irritating as possible. It will give your relationship passion. That will surely win him over. </i> I just have the feeling that people think, t<i>he only way to be an interesting person is to be like Alaska Young.</i><br />
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And I think that's the completely wrong message.<br />
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People. Just normal people. Are messed up in some way. This is what being human is all about. And these female characters exemplify this well. But almost too well.<br />
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I can't speak for the whole world, but I'm going to anyway. I think we love these characters <i>because</i> they are so different from the norm. They are infecting. And beautiful in their own way. They don't set lofty standards for people. They allow room for failure. I can definitely appreciate that. But they make this failure look flawless. Which I always thought was impossible.<br />
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<b>People want to be them anyway.</b><br />
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Sometimes it's hard. It's hard knowing that these are the type of people we seem to love (minus Daisy, because honestly she sucks).<br />
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Because I can't be Alaska Young for you. And I don't want to.<br />
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<i><br /></i>Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-23726967745062160452012-04-27T23:56:00.002-04:002016-08-21T11:13:57.210-04:00"I'm nobody! Who are you?"<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; font-size: large; line-height: 19px;"><b>The Perplexities of Characters and Why They Ruin Our Lives </b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; font-size: large; line-height: 19px;"><b>in Addition to Making them Worth Living</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: serif; line-height: 19px;"><b> Part I: People Who Think They are Characters</b></span></div>
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These posts are coming to you from a female perspective. I mean, it's not any different than usual, but it just might seem more glaringly obvious this time. Just keep that in mind when you feel the need to disagree, male bloggers. Keep that in mind.<br />
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Do you know why we love characters of books, movies and television shows? It's because we notice similarities between these characters and ourselves. We see visions of who we could be, and what we could amount to. We admire them. We can relate. We get the feeling that we aren't alone. That someone understands. We are always in search for connection. And definition. It's a component of the human condition.</div>
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I could sit here and tell you about all of the characters I think resemble myself (and there are a fair few), but I won't. Why? Because it would annoy the freaking hell out of you.</div>
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It irritates me to no end when someone compares themselves to a character because, essentially, this is what they are doing:</div>
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1) Stealing a bit of that character from you. </div>
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2) Flattering themselves undeservedly.</div>
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3) Being pretentious.</div>
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Hmm let me address all of these separately so you don't think I'm unreasonable.</div>
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<b>1)</b> I don't want to share characters. That sounds ridiculous, because of course you have to share them. First, you have to share them with the actual writer who chose to share them with you. Second, you have to share them with the entire world. Fair enough. But here's the thing, I bet you don't want to share them either do you? Every one of us has a favorite book or movie that is special to us for a personal reason. We each have our own personalized version of characters we love and characters we hate. We make them our own. But then guess what? Something like this will happen.</div>
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Person: Hey you know that book called "[Blankety Blank]"?</div>
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You: <i>DO I? </i>That's my favorite!</div>
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Person: Yea well, [Blank], the main character and hero of the novel, is basically my clone. We are so alike, it's ridiculous.</div>
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You: Die.</div>
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It's especially awful when this person is someone you often feel like punching. How insulting to that poor character to be compared to this person?! There is no conceivable way this person is anything like that character. Not in <i>your</i> head, anyway. And now they have corrupted what you held dear. And it's heartbreaking.</div>
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<b>2)</b> It takes a lot of nerve to go around telling everyone how closely you can relate to well-known, famously appreciated characters. A lot of the time, these are characters that society looks up to, and they have admirable qualities. How incredibly conceited do you have to be to go around boasting about how you think you are just like that character everybody likes?</div>
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"Yea, you know <i>Cool Hand Luke</i> ? That's basically my life."</div>
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"I can totally relate to Rachel Bilson's character form the<i> OC</i>. Our lives are, like, the same. We're the same. For real."</div>
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"I just realized, I'm totally Chandler Bing."</div>
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"As I was reading, I couldn't help but notice just how similar Lizzy Bennet and I are. We are both dragged down with loads of bratty sisters, we both read constantly, and we are both really sensible. And strong-willed. And beautiful." </div>
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Wow. How great for you.</div>
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I think it's perfectly fine to find similarities between you and characters. It's the whole point. But once you find it necessary to proclaim how "awesome" you are, well then we have a problem.</div>
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<b>3)</b> There was once a guy I knew who wore a red hunting hat similar to Holden Caulfield's hat, for like a month (even indoors), because he thought he was Holden Caulfield. HE THOUGHT HE WAS LIKE HOLDEN CAULFIELD, one of the most, <b>relatable</b>, <b>real </b>and <b>well-known</b> characters of all time. How original. Please. Save it. You aren't the only person who finds parts of themselves in a character. </div>
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We can have discussions and rants and be consumed in all things WRITING. But let's not lose sight of what matters. If we should be lucky enough to find words that really speak to us…words that seem to just <i>know</i>… then of course we should soak it up or spread the word… But I think people often find themselves in the more shallow end of the "character appreciation spectrum". Of course I love finding characteristics of myself in characters I like, but I'm not going to croak to the world about it. Because, frankly, no one cares.</div>
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From reading this, you can probably guess that I spend a lot of my time around really obnoxious people. The things I complain about are trivial, but what else am I going to do with all this time on my hands? </div>
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Whohoo! Four mintues to spare! Take that BEDA<br />
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-44380689921641561282012-01-19T17:57:00.005-05:002016-08-21T11:28:34.051-04:00Why I Hate Twilight: Part II D<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b>Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive</b></div>
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<b>Part D: Edward Physically Abuses Bella</b></div>
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Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's that time again. If you remember, last discussed was the various examples of mental abuse throughout the series. But we can't overlook the obvious. </div>
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Bella has taken a beating. Literally.</div>
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Now first let's get out of the way the notion some of you may have that Edward doesn't <i>want</i> to hurt Bella, and that he's warned her constantly that he can hurt her with the smallest touch. Guess what? It doesn't work that way.</div>
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Imagine an abusive husband being tried in court for domestic violence trying to explain himself, "I mean, I TOLD her that I have strong hands. It's not my fault that I threw her out the window. I didn't <i>want</i> to repeatedly beat her. It's not my fault."</div>
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That wouldn't fly. </div>
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And yes. Though it is true that Edward hates himself every time he hurts Bella in any way, it doesn't change the fact that she still has bruises over her body. And it also doesn't matter that Bella doesn't seem to mind. Because, as already discussed, Bella is slightly insane.</div>
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So. When does he abuse her? </div>
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On page 89, my friends.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b4a7d6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Under the dusting o</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">f feathers, large purple bruises were beginning to blossom across the pale skin of my arm. My eyes followed the trail they made up to my shoulder and then down across my ribs. I pulled my hand free to poke at the discoloration of my left forearm, watching it fade where I touched it and then reappear. It throbbed a little. (Breaking Dawn, 89.)</span></span></div>
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Hmmm yes. I can tell his intentions were honorable as he ravished her in this way.</div>
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Also. There's that time when he like rips open her uterus or whatever when she's in labor, and then, like, turns her into a vampire. I think that also counts as abuse. Because even though he was just trying to save her from the demon child, <i>he's</i> the one who put it there.</div>
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Perfect.</div>
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Anyway. The point you can't overlook is the fact that Stephenie Meyer has gotten away with making this abusive main character desirable because he's proper, depressed and self-deprecating. This is not okay. This is called <i>single-handedly destroying everything the Women's Rights Movement has achieved with a single sparkly fruit of a character. </i></div>
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Or at least that's what it seems like in my mind.</div>
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-16136758234357941412011-11-03T01:46:00.003-04:002016-08-21T11:28:45.940-04:007 Disney Characters Whose Pasts Would Have Made a Better MovieDisney has a problem with cause and effect. They usually just start at the end and go from there. The setting in almost every movie starts in, what seems like, the middle. I've noticed a trend with certain characters. Their background stories are non-existant. Their actions are unexplained. There's always a universally acknowledged truth about them, but where is the reasoning behind it? I need one. So without further ado here are 7 strange Disney characters who could have really benefitted from a backstory.<br />
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<a href="http://www.jasperfforde.com/toad/images/7dwarves_350x285.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.jasperfforde.com/toad/images/7dwarves_350x285.jpg" height="260" width="320" /></a>1. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #f1c232;">The seven dwarfs.</span> Let's think about this. Seven men. All shorter than 4 feet. Living together. In the forest. All while mining diamonds. I don't know about you, but this makes me want to do math. What is the probability that seven little men who look very similar and are all around the same age could find each other and collectively decide it would be a good idea to live together in a cottage in a remote forest? Don't get me wrong, I know this is a fairytale, but still…this concerns me. It's a possibility that they could all be brothers…but even if they had parents who were both dwarfs, the probability of all their children turning out to be dwarfs as well is 75%, and 25% of those will not make it to term. So you're telling me their parents had SEVEN children and they all turned out to be dwarfs? With only 56.25% odds? No. I guess one could make a case that there were actually more children, and the averaged height ones decided they were too good to live in a doll-sized cabin.<br />
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Either way, I'm still concerned about this cave full of diamonds. Where is this cave, and why has no one else found it? And why are they still poor? Or do they only pretend to be poor? Also. The names. Was it a rite of passage? Once they showed their one dominant characteristic, they got a name? Or was it more of a self-fulling prophecy? Name someone Grumpy and it's inevitable that he will end up bitter. I want these questions answered.<br />
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<a href="http://www.allfreevectors.com/images/Free%20Vector%20The%20Lion%20King%20Scar%2021070.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.allfreevectors.com/images/Free%20Vector%20The%20Lion%20King%20Scar%2021070.jpg" height="186" width="320" /></a>2. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">Scar.</span> Again, I have a problem with his name. Did he get a scar from a battle and then was nicknamed after it? Or did someone decide it would be funny to give him that token that matched his name? Or maybe it's just a birth mark and his parents thought it would be cute to point it out in the form of a life-long name. Maybe that's the reason he is so bitter. *Update* Oh. Wikipedia confirms it's a nickname because he obtained that scar. That sucks.<br />
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I want to know why he is so evil. I want to know what went wrong. The guy has issues. He laughs when members of his family die. At his hands. He's a sociopath. I just really want to know why. I feel like that could almost be a better story than Lion King. Well, it would be close. Evilness always needs to be explained; that's what makes it so interesting. Disney has a problem with this. They just make people evil and then continue on with the princesses. No! I want substance.<br />
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<a href="http://www.shescribes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/543240159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.shescribes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/543240159.jpg" height="320" width="261" /></a>3. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;">Beast.</span> Okay. Disney explained how he became cursed and whatnot. But I want to examine the big picture here. There is a boy. About 18? Living alone. In a castle. In an enchanted forest. With a whole bunch of servants. With no family. And from what I can gather, no actual ruling power. He doesn't seem to be ruling any kingdom. And plus, you have to get lost to even find the castle. AND if he was the prince of France or whatever, I think Maurice would have known before he went in, although that is debatable considering he's Maurice. But Belle would have known. She hadn't even heard of him before. Which leads me to believe he is a fake prince. A delusional young male living like a king on his trust-fund. This also means Belle isn't a real princess. I'm sorry for ruining your childhood.<br />
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4. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">Peter Pan.</span> Everything about Peter Pan confuses me. How did he get there? How did the Lost Boys get there? Captain Hook? It all creeps me out. Why are the mermaids so bitchy? And why does Tiger Lily have no real voice? After watching this movie, I learned one thing: Never do I ever want to go to Neverland. I don't like anything about it. I think it would be an awful place to live. Actually, maybe this one is better left unexplained. Because the more sense it makes, the more real it becomes. And that scares me.<br />
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5. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #351c75;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #c27ba0;">Evil Stepmother.</span> </span>This one really needs to be explained because I, for one, cannot fathom why Cinderella's dad could ever fall for someone evil. You can say that she fooled him and that she pretended to be someone she was not…but I don't care what anyone says…no one is that good. You can always catch glimpses of someone's true colors if you look hard and are around them long enough. She has to be a witch of sorts. Or maybe a temptress? Someone who dabbles in sorcery. Also I would like to ponder how Cinderella's dad died in the first place? I'm thinking poisoned biscuits. NEVER EAT BISCUITS PREPARED BY YOUR NEWLYWED WIFE. This is nonnegotiable.<br />
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6. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">The King and Queen of Hearts.</span> If someone could explain to me how that one works out, that would be great, thanks.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazonmandy.com/cosplay/maleficent/Maleficent.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.amazonmandy.com/cosplay/maleficent/Maleficent.gif" height="320" width="288" /></a>7. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7;">Maleficent.</span> I need to know so many things about her. Did she really condemn a newborn baby solely because she didn't get invited to a party? I think her issues run deeper than that. 1) Where did she get the gargoyle-like goblin minions? 2) What's with her ram/devil horns? 3) How did she meet her crow? Did she nurse him as a baby? Or was it friendship at first sight? 4) What's her beef with the royals? I like to think her story went like this: She was once a beautiful, young fairy. She was kind and generous and gave freely, much like Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather. She fell in love. It was a prince. She would often go out of her way just to see him for a second. Just to see that smile. He didn't love her back. No matter how much she tried to convince him they were meant for each other, she could see her endeavors were futile. He loved another girl. Golden hair, rose red lips, a voice as sweet as a bird's. She couldn't take it. She put him under a spell. A love spell. And it worked. He loved her. She loved him. It looked picture perfect from the outside. But she knew. She knew that slight hesitation in his "I love you's" was the spell. She knew that tired look in his eyes was there because she put it there. She knew, deep down, whether he remembered or not, he didn't love her. And it was too much for her. She let him go. And he married the other girl. Her heartache turned to depression, her depression to anger, her anger to a sinister disposition. She became unfeeling. Evil was the only thing she knew. The sight of that baby and her striking resemblance to the very thing that caused her downfall, caused her world to come crashing down around her. And so begins the tale of Sleeping Beauty.<br />
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Hey, I think that's pretty reasonable.<br />
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~LexLexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-42771725474539138192011-08-15T02:10:00.016-04:002016-08-21T11:28:51.313-04:00Why I Hate Twilight: Part II B<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 19.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Section B: Bella Mentally Abuses Edward</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Last time we discussed how Edward mentally abuses Bella. But let’s not be so naïve as to think that the abuse is one-sided. Oh no. Bella causes Edward so much pain that he even attempted suicide. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start from the beginning.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">From the first time he </span><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">saw</span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> smelled her he knew he was in trouble. It was like her scent was carefully constructed with the designed purpose to tempt him </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">especially.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> A test above all tests, if you will. He couldn’t take it. It got to the point where he was in such physical pain, just by sitting beside her, that he had to miss school. Now, we all know that he’s been through high school numerous times, so that’s not a big deal, but what if he hadn’t? She would be responsible for keeping a boy from his studies in a very vital academic year! Stop that snickering from the side! This is a serious matter.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Moving on to the make-out scenes. Despite the fact that Stephenie is an idiot and didn’t take into account that she already informed us all that vampires have no blood flow, it’s clear Edward somehow gets a hard-on for Bella. And we all know that if he did anything about it, he would end up killing her. Now </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">that’s</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> abuse. Poor guy. I think that's a double whammy for physical pain as well.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Anyway. As specified in the last </span><a href="http://lexicalsemantics.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-i-hate-twilight-part-2a.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: cyan;">section</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">, all Edward does is worry about Bella. He threatens anyone that comes near her, and he goes out of his way to save her because she is basically a walking noodle and she has no arm strength and can’t really keep herself upright. Yes, it’s degrading to Bella, but in all honestly, he doesn’t really have a choice; either let her go and watch her lead herself to her own death, or stalk her. She causes him so much unwanted stress.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">He begins to get this notion that he can’t live without her. Remember when he tried to commit suicide when he thought she was dead? Yes. Now if that doesn’t prove she has some kind of unnatural, sinister hold on his psyche, then you are probably a Twihard Twitard. No offense, but in that case, you need start asking yourself, “Do I really want a dead, sparkly man cutting my brakes, then trying to off himself, and then proposing and then inserting is cold rock penis up my lady parts? Is that REALLY what I want out of life?” If the answer is still “yes,” then I demand you go read a good book now. GO! Go find a book worth your time! Get the Twilight out of your system!!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> ~Lex</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: inherit;">XXX</span></div>
Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-90311574977143882222011-06-20T10:08:00.014-04:002016-08-21T11:28:58.860-04:00Why I hate Twilight: Part II A<div style="color: #666666; font-family: Cardo; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Why I Hate Twilight Part II: Relationships are Toxic and Abusive</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Section A: Edward Mentally Abuses Bella</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Before I launch myself into an exhaustive rant, I want to take a look at some standard characteristics of people in an abusive relationship. I've highlighted the ones that are particularly similar to how Edward acts toward Bella.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="color: black; font-family: Times; font-size: medium; line-height: normal;"><tbody>
<tr><td valign="baseline" width="42"><br /></td><td valign="top" width="100%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">1. Charming</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">.</span> </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">This person quickly smothers the other with gifts and praise. He/she immediately pushes for an exclusive relationship using phrases such as “I can’t live without you” or “I’ll kill myself if you leave.” A clear indication something is wrong.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">2.</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">Jealous.</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">He/she views others as a threat to the relationship and relentlessly accuses you of flirting. “I know you are having an affair.” The irony is that the abuser is usually the cheater.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
</span></strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">3.</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">Manipulative.</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Abuse and manipulation go hand-in-hand. This person easily detects vulnerability in others and uses it as a weapon to control, belittle and demean the victim. “You are weak and ugly; no wonder you were abused as a kid.”</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">4. Controlling.</span></strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Constant checking on the whereabouts of the victim is a common trait for the abuser. “I check the mileage on your car. So don’t lie to me.” A male controller often refuses to let his girlfriend have a job, she might “meet someone.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">5. A Victim.</span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> An abuser doesn’t take any responsibility for his/ her poor choices. They are never at fault. When she loses her job, or he gets into a fight, someone else is to blame. “You make me hit you” or “I drink because you stress me out.”</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">6. Narcissistic. </span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">The whole world revolves around the abuser and his/her needs. This person is invigorated by the fact that the victims “walks on eggshells” and live in fear of the next outburst</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">7.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">Inconsistent.</span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he/she is happy and sweet, the next they are pounding a fist or throwing a tantrum</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">8. Critical. </span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Verbally assaulting others is a way of life for the abuser. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting</span><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">tramp. You can’t ever leave me; no other man would have you” or “Ha! You call yourself a man. You are nothing but a mama’s boy.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f;">9. Disconnected.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Isolation from family and friends is a key goal for the abuser because it forces the victim into total submission. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want you seeing them anymore.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">10. Hypersensitive.</span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> The slightest offense sends the abuser ranting. Everyone is out to “get him/her.” “My boss had it in for me; I bend over backwards on my job but I still got fired.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><strong style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">11. Vicious and cruel.</span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Intimidation and inflicting pain fuels his/her power. “If I can’t have you, no one will” or “I just pretended to love you so that you would sleep with me.” </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">After I read that list, I just had to laugh. Did Stephenie do <i>any</i> research before writing her four-book saga? What's that? Oh right. No she didn't. She <b>dreamt</b> it all. At this time I would like to go through the list and explain why each characteristic is relevant to my claim that Edward mentally abuses Bella (and relevant to the reason why Bella is slightly insane).</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">1.<b> Charming</b>. Oh wow. If I had a posy for every time Edward tells Bella that his life is irrelevant without her, I could stuff at least 9 pockets full.</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Gag me. When he thought she died after she jumped off the cliff, he was determined to get himself killed by the Volturi. What??! If that doesn't prove that Edward thinks he couldn't live without Bella, then nothing ever will. Because Edward is so "charming," Bella basically sees him as perfect. She idolizes him. She is constantly thinking about his perfect bod. He has her so wrapped up in his charm that she neglects to see reason. Never once does she go on and on about his PERSONALITY. I don't think she ever says how she loves him for his MIND. Does she ever question the fact that he's a hundred and some year old BLOOD SUCKING NONHUMAN? Nope. No she doesn't. Because she is completely blinded by his shiny exterior, which I'm not sure, but I think is some kind of mechanism used for hypnotizing. I'm looking into it. There isn't much reliable literature on "hard sparkly skin."</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">2. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Jealous</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">. How many times does Edward growl when Jacob comes near? 'Nuff said.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">3. <b>Manipulative</b>. Edward reminds Bella she is weak. Everyday. How many times does he tell her that he could crush her with one blow? Accidentally smother her? Or how about this…lose control and suck all her blood? Yes, yes, he may not be doing this so he can manipulate her, BECAUSE HE "LOOOOOVES" HER. He could just be saying this because it's true and wants to warn her. Right. Okay. I get that. But no one <i>really</i> knows what's going on inside his head, and on paper, it doesn't look so good for him. And furthermore, it's not "cute." I don't think it's cute when a male figure has so much power over a woman, that he as to remind her of it every day. I don't think it's cute that she feels like a delicate little flower in his arms. It's sad. And demeaning. And, in my book, considered mental abuse.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">4. <b>Controlling</b>. Possibly the most relevant and troubling of all his characteristics. She's his puppet. He controls every aspect of her life. Even when he wasn't there, he controlled her. She started purposefully putting herself in danger JUST TO HEAR HIM TELL HER NOT TO. But it wasn't him, it was her perception of him deep in her psyche. How messed up is that? She went up to a group of hardened criminal biker thugs because she felt compelled to hear Edward yell at her. She jumped off a cliff! None of this is okay. He watches her sleep! He cut her breaks! CUT. HER. BRAKES. All in the name of her "safety." Tell me this, Edward: How is it safe to purposefully leave your "one true love" in a forest for hours and hours? How is it safe to leave her when a vampire is stalking her? How is it safe to cut her brakes!!?? </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"It makes me... anxious to be away from you. I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"If you let anything happen to yourself - anything at all - I'm holding you personally responsible."</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?"</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;">"But if you ever bring her back damaged again — and I don't care whose fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head — if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?" </span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">In context, these all seem very "aww" worthy. Everyone just loves how overprotective Edward is. But you see these quotes void of all Bella's delusions, and you have what I call cold hard abuse. </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">You call it protective, I call it belittling. The worst thing about his controlling nature, is that Bella doesn't seem to notice or mind. She just thinks it's "annoying". ANNOYING? How about murderously insane? </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">7. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Inconsistant</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">. Bella even mentions his mood swings. </span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">You know, your mood swings are kinda giving me whiplash." <--</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Yes from the movie, but it still proves my point.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">One minute he wants her to leave him alone forever, the next he's telling her he couldn't live without her. One day he tells her how they could never "be" together and then a month later he's ripping off her clothes. He says he never wants to hurt her, and then he just leaves her in the forest. I mean, I would be confused. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br />
</span></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "arial" , "helvetica";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: "cardo"; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">In <i>New Moon</i>, Bella is so convinced Edward left because he doesn't love her, that she literally becomes brain dead. The blank pages in the middle of the novel symbolize her insanity. Everyone reading the novel was smart enough to know that he just said he didn't love her because he wanted to "protect her," but she was actually dumb enough to believe it. His inconstancies pop right out of no where. And it's driving her to be a vegetable.</span></span></span></div>
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-68869486779232114722011-03-28T17:28:00.018-04:002016-08-21T11:29:14.756-04:00Why I Hate Twilight Part I D<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Why I Hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer</b></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><b>Section D: The Atrocity She Calls a Plot</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">So, in essence, what we have here is a strange, loner-type who moves to dull, rainy, small town, Forks, not because she wants to, but because she doesn't. And in the meantime falls in love with a guy who has been dead for a while. I mean, there have been stranger openings to novels. That's not really the disturbing part. It's </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">how fast</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">, and </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">why</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> she falls in love with him. He's overbearing, bossy, arrogant, stubborn, and treats her like a puppy--what's not to love right? He's always laughing at her and talking down to her. I guess some people would say that's cute, but honesty, he just treats her like a child. He puts her to bed, watches her sleep (creepy?), supervises everything she does, and speaks to her authoritatively. He treats her as a tiny delicate flower. Sure, he has reasons to, but it's condescending. I don't know about you, but even if I was the dependent type, I wouldn't fall for a guy who thinks he's my dad. Or watches me sleep. HE WATCHES HER SLEEP. Basically their relationship is shallow, built up of outwardly attractions, covered up by the "it was love at first sight" excuse.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Moving on to when she discovers he's a vampire. First off, he admits to following her scent. How is that okay with her? Secondly. She is totally unfazed by the whole affair. When Jacob tells her the stories of his ancestors and the "cold ones"....she just listened intently. Totally calm. When Edward confirms her suspicions...not an ounce of fear. She's a freak of nature, and there is no human on this earth who wouldn't be a tad cautious. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Then there's the matter of how fast they fell in love. Even if there was a real foundation for a relationship there, it was still too fast. By chapter 9 she admits to herself that she's in love with him. Chapter 9! Out of 24! She barely has spent time with the guy, let alone actually know him. It's ridiculous. I'm skeptic by nature, but I still look at things objectively, and their "love", by no means, makes any real sense. In any way.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Let's not forget the unavoidable undertones of necrophilia and bestiality. Edward is dead, guys. And he's not even human. Neither is Jacob for that matter. It's pretty disturbing that the same girl falls in love with two beings who are not completely human. Bella has issues.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">But more about this dead Edward thing. Stephenie says that when humans become vampires, their bodies freeze in time. That's why women can't have babies; their bodies can't change. But here's something she definitely didn't explain (mostly because she didn't have an answer); how do male vampires fertilize human eggs? Sperm are not like eggs. A woman is born with all of her eggs; the seminiferous tubules in the testes produce 12 billion sperm per month. So if Edward's body isn't changing, how is that he was able to provide sperm to create a freak baby? I highly doubt the sperm used was the sperm that was there when he died. Come on, after 100 years and you think he still had the semen he died with? Yea right :D</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">And while we're on the subject. Vampire sex. First let's talk about how Edward is a vestige of a dead human in a body of what Steph compares to granite. He has no blood flow. He's cold and hard. Bella is delicate white flower full of beauty and daintiness. *snickers*. Please tell me how a protuberance, much like a cold, hard rock shoved up your lady parts would be anything but a traumatizing experience? </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Just saying.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Now let's talk about werewolf lovin'. We learn what "imprinting" is in <i>Eclipse</i> when Jacob is talking to Bella. I'll discuss what a load of bullshit it is in a later section, but for now I want to examine a continuity error. This is the quote by Jacob regarding the rarity of this phenomenon,</span><i>"It's one of those bizarre things we have to deal with. It doesn't happen to everyone. In fact it's the rare exception, not the rule..." </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Hmm..."rare exception"? Then how come half the pack did it? Sam, Paul, Quil, Jared, and Jacob all imprinted. Five out seventeen. Twenty-nine percent? How is that rare?</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , "clean" , sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Please explain that to me Smeyer. She's definitely not a mathematician. She seriously needs to get her story straight.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Three more points and then, I promise, I'm done. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">The Happily Ever After Ending of Vomit. She spends the majority of the book rallying the troops and preparing the reader for a battle worth the mental suffering he or she endured throughout the entirety of the book. What did we get? We got a conversation. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">And no one died. SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE DIED. Killing characters off isn't always a sign of good writing, but the emotion one feels after reading about it, is. But I felt no emotion but mild annoyance of the fact I wasted my time.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">One thing I notice about the novels I like verses the novels I hate (a.k.a. Twilight) is that the books in which I find myself engrossed are more than just a love story. They have substance. Complex plot lines. A greater story that's more than the sum of it's parts. Twilight? Nope. Just superficial love. And a creepy half vampire baby...thing...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Lastly, no one can overlook the prominent comparisons Meyer makes between her poorly written novels, and classic works of literature. Did she compare her writing to the Bible, Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet? Yes. Yes she did. She's a moron. And that's the only thing I love about her.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Whew boy. That was a long one.</span><br />
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Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4905755778886389065.post-1042886778999253062011-02-08T20:52:00.039-05:002016-08-21T11:29:28.706-04:00Why I hate Twilight: Part I C<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 20pt; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #878787; font-family: "calisto mt";"><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Why I hate Twilight Part I: Stephenie Meyer is a Horrible Person and Writer</span></b></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Section C: Pancho and her Fans</span></b></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I truly believe that Stephenie Meyer doesn't give a shit when it comes to her fans. Yes, she thanks them in all her interviews, saying how she wouldn't be where she is if it wasn't for them, but does she really mean it? I don't think think so. She's in the biz for herself, and herself only.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">She is right about one thing though; without all of the billions of whiny tweens who eat up her every word, she would be absolutely nowhere. This is why I don't understand where she gets off acting so high and mighty all the time. She makes a fool of herself in basically every interview she's ever given. When questioned about the poor reception of Breaking Dawn she said,</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">"But how can you possibly meet up with the expectations that this book had? It just got so built up. There is no book in the world that could stand up to that. So I knew it was going to happen, but at the same time it hurts."</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I recall a time when there was a bigger hype for another book that actually exceeded expectations... what was it? Oh yea! HARRY FREAKING POTTER</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Suck on that Meyer. There's no excuse, really. Anyone who can write even remotely well could have come up with a better storyline.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">In her interview she also said,</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">"If people wanted a really depressing, tragic ending, I gave them a lot of hints that it wasn't going to be that way. They really shouldn't have been surprised!There's no way to make everybody happy. When I do one thing that a lot of people want, there's always the opposite reaction."</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">It's like a big FU to whoever expected anything at all out of that book.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">She never had any real credibility, so no one was expecting a literary masterpiece, but it would have been nice to have a plot. She sold out for her image of a perfect fantasy. It just further proves she wrote it for herself. She doesn't care about what her fans want. I'm not saying you should write for others and not yourself; actually most of the time, you</span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> should</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"> write for yourself. But in this case, she probably should have tried to please the twitards who are the SOLE reason she is where she is.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">When Midnight Sun leaked on the internet, Meyer was extremely upset. And who wouldn't be? I understand her frustration, but just read this, </span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #999999;">"With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely."</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">She is a child. Seriously. It's the equivalent of a two-year-old's temper tantrum. Suck it up and just give your fans what they deserve. For flying potatoes, it's your job! She already wrote the freaking story once, how could the fact that it got leaked, keep her from writing the same sucky story a second time? I could do it. Anyone could.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">I hate her book series, but I probably wouldn't be wasting my time explaining why I hate it so much if she wasn't such a childish and uptight person.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Next on my list is her husband, Pancho. Poor Pancho. Please imagine this:</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Your wife confessed to the world that she had a dream about a hot, Victorian vampire, and wrote a complete saga about it. It was obvious to everyone who read the first couple pages that the main character was modeled after herself. You go on and read the books, and find that your wife's character incarnate falls in love with this Vampire and desires to jump his bones. Also, it is noted that said Vampire is basically granite. And abusive in various ways (but that rant is for a later time).</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Yes. Your wife would rather have an affair with a stuffy, socially reserved rock than be with you. Talk about a <s>dream</s> nightmare.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Moving on, I just wanted to thank everyone for all their kind and lovely comments on my last post. You are all amazing and thank you all for going on this journey with me :)</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Now, I have two papers to write, but I keep getting distracted by stupid things. So I decided to get distracted by my blog, which isn't as stupid. If I'm going to waste my time, I might as well do it on something semi-productive. Because let's face it, when I become famous, this blog will be highly valuable. I can't let down my future fans, so I must blog.</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">At this exact moment. Ha :D</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;">Yea. There is a kid in this study lounge who is wearing a Pokemon hat. I can't decide if I like him because of it or not...</span></span><span style="font-family: "calisto mt";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</span>Lexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12292544033641967568noreply@blogger.com12